[ehudt]

I see two parts to handling this tendency, which I have much less of today compared to a few years ago.

1. Finding an outlet and 'healing the wound'. Negativity is there for a reason. Things happened during life that made it necessary or even a viable strategy to solve some situations. If suppressed, or even managed (see #2), it will resurface either as anger/rage or physical illness. To really heal it I went to therapy and to group sessions with the firm goal of expressing my daily as well as lifelong anger and frustrations. One book which I like and can help start the healing process is "Letting Go" by David Hawkins.

2. How I express myself with others. Sometimes I really don't want to express this negativity, so I can use tools from the coaching world. I'll give a few examples: - assume good intentions. Be it with people you know or complete strangers, if you notice yourself being negative, first STOP. Then imagine the party you are negative about having the best intentions possible, and then re-write the mental story. For example, if you get cut off by another driver and notice you are angry at them, STOP (mentally) and consider that they are having a really shitty day and weren't paying attention. They made a mistake, a really honest one.

- ask questions to find out the other person's intentions. If you notice negativity in you about a person you know, consider asking them clarifying questions about the situation that brought about the negativity. For example, if a friend ghosts you, yoi might call a few days later and say, 'hey, did you see my text a few days ago? I was kinda bummed you didn't answer. Is everything ok between us?'

I hope this helps.