>Find a local club for a hobby you enjoy. Take an art class at a local community college.
Based on the specific words (e.g. "pair programming") the op used in his question, I think he's looking for the work itself to be more social during work hours.
Therefore, suggesting an art class or joining a club outside of work is answering a different question.
OP wants more socialization - I think it's good to think outside the box a bit, especially for us programmers who tend to let programming and work absorb their lives.
>I think this is an example of the X-Y problem [...] , especially for us programmers who tend to let programming and work absorb their lives.
Everybody is different but I as a coincidence, I personally tried your suggestion to pursue outside hobbies and finally learned that it's really the work that makes me happy. I made a previous comment about that life lesson:
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23925964
Some of the replies agree with me. I do understand your viewpoint and acknowledge I'm in the minority group that wants deep work to "absorb my life". I thought I could be a mercenary and just compartmentalize "work" as 9-to-5 and then do "fun stuff" outside of the job but that doesn't make me happy.
Maybe the op doesn't want to work more than 40 hours but if he's asking in 3 different ways to work more around people, it makes perfect sense to me that he wants the work itself to be more social. A few hours a week at an art class still doesn't fix the 40 hours of lonely working.
Agreed. Look elsewhere, for people with shared interests. Don't tie your social circle to work. It makes it harder to leave the job and allows the company to take greater advantage of you.
Water cooler talk is not friendship. It's too easy to feel "connected" at work, and then not invest outside of it...and then once you leave, you find people don't have time for you.
By all means, if you find shared interests at work, seek to build on them, but a relationship of convenience through work will likely end once the convenience ends. That is both an obstacle to leaving (and is often what "culture" really translates to), and a major downside if you value real friendships since it's not any sort of emotional connection, nor even a shared activity you both can continue to enjoy.
As others have mentioned, if you just desire peoplecolocated with you that you can talk to throughout the day, that's also achievable from any major city, regardless of where your job is. And, a real benefit is since they aren't working on the same thing, or reporting in the same hierarchy, you can be completely honest and transparent with them (albeit with a mind toward not breaching corporate secrets), which is more conducive to building real friendships as well.
You can work from a co-working space or cafe if you need to be around other people.
I actually think it's quite the opposite of cynical to engage with your community in a much more natural way than it is to be forced to socialize within the context of a for-pay job.
Based on the specific words (e.g. "pair programming") the op used in his question, I think he's looking for the work itself to be more social during work hours.
Therefore, suggesting an art class or joining a club outside of work is answering a different question.