Sex and gender are different, though. Sexologist John Money came up with the idea of using the then purely grammatical term 'gender' to describe how people presented themselves.
So originally people's gender expression was more or less just advertising their sex roles for mating. Now it's more of a lifestyle/aesthetic thing with huge amounts of variation that aren't really anchored to biological sex in any meaningful way except insofar as they adopt the aesthetics of one of the biological sexes.
Indeed; people in the tech community often think of themselves as somehow especially rational, and sometimes as hyper-logical with reduced biases, but that's just the tech community's particular self-delusion. The tech community contains the full spectrum just like every other.
The rational answers to both these questions is to accept we don't know (whether a fetus has a soul or how many genders) and stop trying to force whatever unproven answer we personally prefer onto everyone else. If you don't believe in abortion, don't get one. If you think there are 2 genders, pick from those. But don't act like you have some concrete proof you're right when you don't...
That falls apart when:
1. You believe abortion is the act of taking someone else's life.
2. You try to dictate other people's speech to acknowledge there are more than 2 genders when the person you are telling doesn't believe it.
Seems weird that you would frame it in a 1 sided way.
i.e. almost everyone a few years ago. Worldwide, most people still don't think there can be more than two sexes.