[hawkinsw]

Second what everyone else is saying: Please find professional help as soon as possible. In the meantime, know that we are all rooting for you! Hang in there!

[papaf]

If you need to talk to someone immediately there is the Samaritans:

http://www.samaritansusa.org/contact.php

I have no idea what they are like in the US but they are very helpful in the UK.