[timsneath]

There are some good answers here (along with some less good ones), but I wanted to just pause to applaud you for this post.

Even though HN is full of smart, data-orientated people, it's rare to see this level of self-awareness, vulnerability and curiosity demonstrated in a single comment. We could all benefit from more of this set of skills. Most of us dole out advice far more willingly than we ask for it. Through revealing your own frailty, you've opened the door for others who are less courageous to hear some good advice.

There's nothing pathetic here at all -- it's how we learn and grow. I hope this doesn't come across as condescending: I genuinely wanted to say, "thank you".