[zhdc1]

> Is there anyone here who has gone from being extremely irresponsible with money to having savings? How do I get over the trauma of my grandparents losing millions of dollars in the 2008 financial collapse, which happened right as I came of age? How do I stop “shopscrolling” Amazon until 2 in the morning?

Partner with someone who is disciplined, such as a potential spouse/partner, a friend, or even a support group of people in the same situation.

I know that recommendations are frowned upon here, but also take a look at Brian Johnson/Optimize. Discipline is one of the things they touch on a lot, and unlike other places, they have advice that actually seems to work.

[wincy]

My wife said she had savings before she met me. Apparently I have a very dominating personality. She owned her house outright which we sold so we could put a down payment on a much larger house.

Her and I have been talking today and I think having her approve purchases could help. I’m nervous about giving up control like that though, and thinking about it more I definitely get pleasure in buying new gadgets. But I need to trust her that she has my best interests in mind (which she does, but it’s hard to convince some part of me deep down of that).

[zhdc1]

> My wife said she had savings before she met me.

Consider doing this:

1.) Every month, schedule two hours with your wife to go over your finances.

1.a.) The first time you sit down, look for, select, and integrate your bank account(s) and credit cards to an online budget app. YNAB is a good recommendation, but there are others.

1.b.) Either the first or the second time you sit down, categorize all of your expenses in your online budget app, and use that to get a strong understanding of your monthly expenses.

1.c.) Every time you meet going forward, categorize all of your new expenses.

2.) Once you have your monthly expenses in order, look for a savings - spending ratio to budget towards. We've had success with the 50/30/20 plan, but there are others.

3.) Then, with your savings target in mind, at your next monthly review meeting, create a realistic budget in your online budget app.

Remember that your savings rate includes your 401K (Pillar 2) and IRA & Roth IRAs (Pillar 3) retirement accounts.

I also recommend listening to several online sources for advice and inspiration. These include the Money Guys and Dave Ramsey, both of whom can be found on YouTube. Also read the Bogleheads forum and Personal Finance and Financial Independence subreddits.