[ggm]

If he only wanted to avoid being killed by the Taliban but otherwise retain his religious and culturally acquired views and behaviours, Probably the US was never the right place to settle. It's possible Iran, or Pakistan, or Malaysia or something was going to be a better "fit". I doubt they wanted to be the final destination any more than any economy does, but possibly, the outcome would be more congenial for him if they had been the endpoint.

I suppose I mean that if he now has residency, he might have choices. He could (obviously, at some considerable expense) relocate. It is also interesting to wonder what a partner and children might think: His reluctance to acculturate, might be offset by what he sees his family doing. I know of like outcomes although a friend did a PhD on this stuff in cultural linguistics and oftentimes, the men in the family change faster than the women, it depends (this was research in the persian/iranian community. it may differ in the Hazara community. Being Shia reduces options for where to go in the islamic community, Shia being a significant minority religion in most economies. Being relocated from Afghanistan to Syria or Iraq or Lebanon would be pretty bizarre. Being relocated to Iran would probably have worked out ok)

I'm trying to avoid saying what i think about his choices given it's obvious I don't want a world with headscarf laws.

This isn't about if I approve or disapprove of sharia law and imposed norms on women, its about what he wants, wanted. Doing a good thing (helping him not die) has wound up making a range of (lesser?) bad things happen.

The Iran thing is so complicated. Probably, he's so tainted by his role with the US it's impossible. (I am making huge inferential leaps that he's Hazara/shia not sunni btw, there's no strong reason for only shia to have opposed the Taliban. If he's sunni, Malaysia, Indonesia, Pakistan would be fine you would think)

You probably feel pretty conflicted about this. What would I know, I've never had to make this kind of least-worst choice for somebody else, at somebody else's behest. I don't envy anyone exposed to this stuff. Nobody feels completely good, when you do a good thing, but the outcome isn't entirely welcome. I know I've done some stupid things from good intent and the outcome is universally bad, and this isn't one of those times I think so, there's that. I think you did a good thing.

[remarkEon]

I agree with everything you said, and your inference is correct, he is Hazara. Settling him in Iran probably would've been the best possible outcome (ignoring the geopolitical reasons for why this can't happen for a moment), and not just for cultural reasons. There's enough local Islamic identity for him there that any lingering issue with him working with the US probably would've been overlooked given the on-going intra-Islamic conflict across that part of the world. It's weird, I read all of these articles by supposedly smart people and they're just wrong on so many parts about how resettling Afghans will or should work. I sent him an email tonight but I doubt he'll respond any time soon. He did create a LinkedIn profile during the pandemic (probably to look for other truck driving jobs) and linked me so perhaps I'll reach out there.

[ggm]

One of the Afghani refugees here in Australia spoke of how confusing it was to be welcomed into a completely secular western culture, and then have to cope with Sunni dominated mosques and expectations of behaviour. The Sunni imams were a bit distressed they weren't showing up, noting that if you didn't live close to the mosque here, and hadn't yet learned to drive, (drive: She was functionally illiterate, and dealing with a 6 month old baby with a hole-in-the-heart who was born in refugee camp. what a nightmare) that was .. hard. (because we don't somehow welcome mosques as much as we might, and they wind up being in bush locations, away from public transport, and only do Shia-imam stuff on alternate tuesday afternoons type things)

It sounded like a next to impossible balancing act. Somehow, a lot of them wound up in construction: specifically tiling. I wondered if the "silk road" building culture of decorated tiling had paid off, as a work model for them or if this is just that one lucky Afghan who gets a job and then hires his friends, to make a "thing" happen.

I was also told the whole Fasi/Dari thing was really funny from the Farsi side of things. The Dari speakers sound like they're enunciating olde-english, chaucer style, to modern english ears (if you see what I mean) -and the Afgans said that the Farsi interpreters were often mis-interpreting things which made for horrendous Immigration problems.

[remarkEon]

>I was also told the whole Fasi/Dari thing was really funny from the Farsi side of things. The Dari speakers sound like they're enunciating olde-english, chaucer style, to modern english ears (if you see what I mean) -and the Afgans said that the Farsi interpreters were often mis-interpreting things which made for horrendous Immigration problems.

I definitely see what you mean, and he said similar things when we talked about language diversity in Afghanistan. Him being a native Dari speaker caused multiple misunderstandings amongst the local Pashto speakers, through accent but also Pashto is just a totally different almost guttural language compared to Dari. That discussion was the first time I think I felt resentment for how American education does not demand fluency in multiple languages at a young age.