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by wjossey
1763 days ago
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Hey! You’re not alone. I had huge work life (self induced) challenges for 8 or so years at the start of my career. Similar story to you but not as a founder- I just worked 80+ hours a week by default. Nobody forced me to do it, just my motor. I worked with a psychotherapist for 4 years, once a week, with this being the predominant focus of our time together. She was immensely helpful and between the regular maintenance of those visits and her helping improve my self awareness, I now no longer blitz myself week after week. I certainly still have that motor in me, but I know how to divert it to other activities and focuses like my family, hobbies, and myself. I still love to work because I love what I do, but it’s not how I define my life. Get help. This is sufficiently a problem where it’s impacting your relationships with others, which is a huge red flag. |
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I had a similar experience. Working with a therapist helped me learn boundaries and eventually grok (with support, considerable patience, and repetition from her) that I was addicted to 'saving the day', to solving the problem, the pace, chaos, the deluge of information and technical challenges. I was energized by it. I felt smarter when I was in the eye of this storm. It took me quite a long time to fully integrate and understand that working those hours and wearing 'the cape' is toxic to yourself AND others. I assumed that my efforts were wanted, appreciated, and valued. Only in hindsight, did I 'notice' it had the opposite effect. My intentions didn't matter, the high I felt, the passion, and manic energy I radiated was easily misunderstood. I realized too late that my boss and many of my colleagues resented me for these behaviors. It was decsribed as exhausting by a friend. It takes time to learn new habits, to change, and learn boundaries and how to be present. For me, it was worth the effort.