[jenshk]

Founder in my 40s here. "1 toddler and another child is coming" - Then you want to work one and a half or maybe two jobs? Unless your wife is Superwoman, sounds like a divorce to me. Wait until your kids are in school and more independent. In the next few years, your wife and kids need you. There are plenty of successful founders in their 40s. In fact the average age of the successful founder is 44. Plenty of time! Focus on your wife and kids or you will regret it.

[fsvavsd]

Here is a counter point, do startup if you think you cannot handle kids.

I have two under 3 years old kids. Working from home during pandemic, helping my wife and managing two kids brought me to the edge of my sanity. The worst thing is tantrums, high pitched screams would leave me physically exhausted within a few minutes. I started to drink more often.

I didn't think I could continue to work from home with kids in the house. I was ready to quit and figured it won't look so bad to have a gap on your resume during pandemic. But then instead I got second part-time job as a junior developer.

This gave me real excuse to avoid managing kids during work hours, and then later night. I spend 5-8pm with my kids and I have more energy and it is much higher quality time with them. After putting them to sleep and watching some TV with wife, I go back to work. I wake up more refreshed than when I was going to bed early. Pure coding is almost meditative for me, so maybe that's why I feel more rested.

Also extra money allowed us to hire babysitter who can assist my wife during the day and we still have extra money after babysitter's expenses. We also got cleaners, started to send laundry out, ordered in more food, enrolled kids in various day camps or classes.

But this is not really apples to apples comparison, startups are a lot harder than a job as a junior developer. And if your startup is not bringing in cash, you may not have enough of extra money to hire help, which may strain your relationship.

[joshxyz]

> Also extra money allowed us to hire babysitter who can assist my wife during the day and we still have extra money after babysitter's expenses. We also got cleaners, started to send laundry out, ordered in more food, enrolled kids in various day camps or classes.

300 IQ move here, bravo sir, well done. That also alleviates workload from your partner for sure.

[natalyarostova]

I cannot believe this works for you, hahaha, but I’m glad it does. Nice!!

[jonplackett]

This.

You have to stop and ask yourself what it’s all for. What is the point of anything? For me kids filled in a large missing piece of the puzzle I couldn’t tell was missing.

Your startup can happen any time. Kids happens once, maybe twice and you are going to want to be there.

They’ll be in school so soon and then you’ll at least have a clear time in the day.

The more time you spend with your kids the more you’ll like it - and it will probably inspire a ton of ideas!

Misery is doing one thing while thinking about another

[math-dev]

> Misery is doing one thing while thinking about another.

That is a great quote!

[luxurytent]

Elevating this. The youngest years are the hardest for the parents and also the most formative for the little ones. Take the time, work somewhere with good parental leave (and take it!), and become a founder a few years later. Or stay a founder and iterate at a pace that's balanced.

For the kids, for your health, for your wife :)

[danieltrembath]

Small software business owner/developer echoing the others here.

I'm 40+ and have a child under 4. When they were born I cut my work back to 1/3 so that I could be a home dad.

It's the best decision I ever made and well worth the (real) financial pain. I can't convey in this text box how fulfilling being a dad has been. This is a time and joy you can never get back. Your kid will be better off from time they spent with you than what the money could have bought.

Raising a kid is a never ending exhausting slog. Two parents that can do everything means you can both get some mental respite. I'm sure our relationship would be worse now if I'd been away working every day. You get to know a lot of other parents and the tension provider/parent puts on relationships is real.

There are downsides. With my wife and I both working part time (nights, naps, 2 days of kinder) we are going backwards financially, but we will survive until school when I'll go back full time. I'm extremely grateful to work in an occupation where that's even possible.

[jonahbenton]

Founder in 50s. Echoing others. Give all your energy to your family now. It will be hard with ideas and founder energy and motivation to read again that book you have read to your toddler a dozen times. Meet that challenge, find the love to do it, again and again and again. Your kids will be better humans, you will have a better marriage, and when the time is right, you will be a better founder. (Hint: do NOT optimize for grinding).

Best wishes.