[mech422]

Not to sound harsh - but its a trade off...You seem to want the money and the job satisfaction/community/work-life balance... Its incredibly hard to get it all. Pick the ones that are most important to you, and let the others sort themselves out.

Sounds like you're only going to make another year or two at you're current job before you're totally fried. So perhaps start looking for new stuff now, and start socking away extra cash in case you want to retire.

P.S. The turnover rate in programming in general is very high. I was surprised the 'average' programmer changes careers after 10 (5?) years. Burnout is real everywhere.

[mech422]

bad form replying to myself, but this just occurred to me..

Given you sound fairly young, what about powering thru say 3 years with your partner to build a nest egg. Then both taking (perhaps lower paying) jobs that you enjoy, giving your nest egg time to grow - that way, you'd have the satisfaction of doing something you enjoy, and the option to retire whenever...

[thebrowncat]

I guess that’s what’s subconsciously been my plan for the last while. It’s just that on the rare occasions I’m with extended family and I’m reminded of what’s truly important in life, it brings my unhappiness to the fore again, and I resolve to try and do something about it.

[blunte]

Depression after returning to work from a holiday is very common. That should be a clue that we're doing something wrong as a society.

[burntoutfire]

What is wrong is that people have unrealistic expectations towards their jobs (and, more general, their lives). These expectations are making them unhappy and depressed.

[blunte]

Just as one block of 8 hour sleep is not what many humans are programmed for, one block of 9 hours in an office is often not what some humans are programmed for. But in both cases, that's what society has ended up adopting.

There's a lot of research and information about the difficulty night owls and people with > 24hr body clocks face. I suspect there's some research about how some people are more cut out for bursts of work rather than a large contiguous block of attention (and I'm not just talking about ADHD people - which itself is a convenient but unreasonable box to categorize with).

No, I believe the issue with post-vacation depression is that like a sponge, people expand back to something resembling who they are or could be while they are away from work. But when they go back to work, they are squeezed into the cube. The feeling is dramatic and unnatural. Or maybe they are suddenly in the cubicle next to the marketing guy (not hating on marketing, per se) who likes to take his calls on speakerphone all day while they are trying to build mental models and do deep thinking.

I have after many years identified my pattern of experience. Each job starts with promise, turns into a grind with too many limitations, and ends with me hating my 9 hour block - even if I like my colleagues - and ultimately finding a new job or taking a freelance period.

But sure, if you have impossible expectations - such as any lifestyle resembling what the typical middle class American had in the 1950s - then you will certainly be set for disappointment.

[mech422]

Yeah, I hear ya. But maybe having made a decision and some concrete plans will make you feel a bit better?

Also, maybe doing more things outside of work will help? Try to talk with family more often or spend more time on hobbies you enjoy?

The key is not to let the job define your life. When all is said and done, work is only one (small) part of your life. Give yourself something to look forward to at the end of the day.

Whatever you do, I hope it brings you joy :-D Good Luck!