[stevecalifornia]

"...No matter how abominable your condition may be, try not to blame anything or anybody: history, the state, superiors, race, parents, the phase of the moon, childhood, toilet training, etc… The moment that you place blame somewhere, you undermine your resolve to change anything; it could be argued even that that blame-thirsty finger oscillates as wildly as it does because the resolve was never great enough in the first place.

After all, a victim status is not without its sweetness. It commands compassion, confers distinction, and whole nations and continents bask in the murk of mental discounts advertised as the victim’s conscience — but try to resist it. However abundant and irrefutable is the evidence that you are on the losing side, negate it as long as you have your wits about you, as long as your lips can utter “No…”

On the whole, try to respect life not only for its amenities but for its hardships, too. They are a part of the game, and what’s good about a hardship is that it is not a deception."

This resonates with me-- it's something I have always held as a core belief. I made an appointment to be where I am today-- good or bad. The moment I blame my situation on someone or something I cede control of the situation.

[brundolf]

It's complicated, because a lot of people genuinely are victims whose suffering genuinely is someone else's fault, and they do deserve the help of others.

At the same time: for the victims themselves, their best chance of overcoming their circumstance is often to not think about it that way.

It's one of those tricky cases where a realistic mindset is not a useful mindset. You have to hold reality, and set it aside, and suspend your disbelief. It's hard to do that, so instead different people fully buy into one reality or the other and then get into conflict over the cognitive dissonance.

[esyir]

Essentially, to boil this message to its core, there are victims, but the victim mindset is counterproductive to recovery?

[gonzo41]

With depression it's common that in acute events the conversation with the patient is along the lines of "it's not you, it's chemicals etc. Your powerless, don't blame yourself" which is a pretty good short term strategy. But over time it robs you of agency to think this way.

Longer term, with recovery focusing on taking back agency the conversation does change to a "you were a party to your own depression, own it. be mindful etc"

But it's a pretty big view change.

[brundolf]

Yeah. Depression by its nature is a bit of a special case where when you're in the throes of it, "this is your responsibility, only you can fix it" is the absolute worst thing you can possibly be told. It will definitely just shove you deeper down the hole. But once you've got some upward momentum a shift toward "I can fix this myself" can sometimes be helpful.

[pbhjpbhj]

Which is correct?

[52-6F-62]

Both are, but in their respective contexts.

[stanrivers]

> The moment I blame my situation on someone or something I cede control of the situation

But it is oh so easy to do that; to his point, there is a sweetness to it; I find I have to remind myself of the idea of ownership and personal responsibility all the time... it's so easy to end up blaming something or someone else.