[chris_j]

It sounds like have come to the conclusion that you can either be taken seriously or you can be open and friendly, as though those two things are in conflict with each other and you need to choose between them. If you _have_ come to this conclusion then be aware that this is not the case. You most definitely can be taken seriously and seen as a leader _and_ be warm and open. It's helpful to view these two attributes as two different dimensions which you can maximise separately.

The book that really helped me with this is The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane. It presents a really simple model for charisma as consisting of three components: power, warmth and presence, and gives a lot of advice to help you to strengthen each of those components by doing exercises that work on different aspects of your psychology. The key insight for me was realising that you can come across as both powerful/serious and as warm/compassionate/friendly, and that people who do this are described as charismatic. I genuinely didn't realise that until I read the book - I thought you had to choose between being nice and being taken seriously - and that's why you'll often find me recommending it on HN and elsewhere.

Another book that presents a different but similar model is Radical Candor by Kim Scott. The premise of this book is that you might think that you have to choose between giving candid feedback (including negative feedback) to your teammates or caring about their wellbeing, but that this is not the case. You absolutely _can_ do both and, again, it's extremely valuable to do so.

How does the above sound? Does it address your situation or does it miss the point? I'd be interested to hear any feedback or further questions that you have.