You spent a lot of time mocking the idea of strawman gravity angels and zero time explaining when the waveform function collapses and why this happens seemingly FTL.
The wave function collapse is quite real in that before measurement a particle interferes with itself and exists in a superposition, and after measurement it doesn't interfere with itself and is not in a superposition (from our perspective, at least).
Does the wave function collapse, or we get entangled with a specific outcome, or something else happens is subject to debate and is the substance of my question.
But "it acts as a wave, then acts as a specific point in space" part is quite real as it's what we observe in experiments.