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You're not rambling, you're just living your life aloud. What you have described is simply life, life at it's best. How do we behave better? It's pretty simple, alas simple doesn't mean that it's easy. Here we go: 1. realize that we are indeed powerful, and we can stop things from degenerating. 2. Forget meditating, too short and restrictive practice. Practice "mindfulness". We can all practice mindfulness 24/7; my mantra is simple: "One, Two, Three, Four" over an over, counting my breath, or counting seconds, or counting my steps (Kinhin). Do it long enough and when life throws you a curve ball (someone cuts you off, plumber is late...) it's almost automatic that after a few minutes (or seconds for those more advanced, but not me) 1,2,3,4 comes to mind; 1,2,3,4, come back to the present moment. While #2 seems elaborate, #1 is actually the most important one, realizing that we indeed can do something. It got me out of decades of depression. Also, related, probably not applicable to you, but it was applicable to me: I read an article linked here on HN or "stop being a victim", the implication there is #1 above. YMMV P.S.: writing this stuff helps me with my own garbage in my own head. |