...or I could just use a truly-secure option that doesn't destroy my personal security model. Owning an iDevice presents a considerable security risk to my current setup.
There is no such thing as a "truly-secure option." As anyone truly concerned about security will tell you.
You will be forced to make compromises somewhere unless you want to live under a rock in the desert. You can't drive without a State ID, can't get a home loan without credit, can't work without a Social Security Number except under limited circumstances, can't make money without reporting to the IRS, and so on. It's entirely about what compromises you want to make, and the tradeoffs therein.
Like the nation you live in doesn't have its own Tax Authority with information on you, and doesn't have its own ID Number you need to use for working.
The technicals are different, the point is the same.
I don't count on a "truly secure" option existing, I just manage my risk by reducing the amount of Big Tech thumbs in my personal pie. Apple, much like Amazon, Microsoft and Facebook, have no right to any of my personal information, end of story.
You will be forced to make compromises somewhere unless you want to live under a rock in the desert. You can't drive without a State ID, can't get a home loan without credit, can't work without a Social Security Number except under limited circumstances, can't make money without reporting to the IRS, and so on. It's entirely about what compromises you want to make, and the tradeoffs therein.