[BJBBB]

Do not know how to answer this question. We raised my brother-in-law's two kids when he died. There were known quantities because we have been part of their lives since the days that they were born, and until he died, they spent as many days at our place as their place.

Personally, for various reasons, both my sister and myself and our spouses are zero-growth supporters, but I strongly support the efforts of good people to have and raise children and seek the joys of parenthood.

My biggest regrets about 'having' two children is the loss of their father (My brother in law was a good friend and good parent) and the loss of our lives' works and plans. We worked hard to get to this 'place' in life and were about to wind down to early retirement - that and much other stuff went away. Now at 64, I little to show for my years of sacrifice and working two and three jobs at a time after paying for the health and education and rearing of the niece and nephew.

If you are going to have kids, expect good stuff, but be responsible enough to plan for the worst. If you cannot afford to plan for the worst, then do not burden your remaining relatives with the weight of your excesses and selfish decisions.

Finally, not having children is not being selfish. It is the opposite. You are giving up much for living by your principles.