[speedyapoc]

I'm also 25, started programming around the same time as you, and have recently felt a number of similar feelings as to what you have described.

What I found to be extremely helpful, over really everything else, was seeing a therapist and working through the feelings that I had. In my case, what I realized is that I did not actually despise my job nor was I actually burnt out. Instead, I just lacked balance and fulfillment in my life.

Throughout the course of these therapy sessions, I looked inward and ended up stumbling on a number of new hobbies. All of which were in the physical world and, at the time, were a lot more fulfilling than software development for me. Things like auto detailing, fixing and improving things around the house, BBQing, etc. At one point, I remember myself literally jumping for joy after hanging a bike rack in my garage because I was so excited about it. I found that after exploring these, my love and desire for programming and software development started to return and I felt hungry again.

Reading your post, I don't think that you're weak or unreliable. It sounds like you're changing as a person and haven't been able to put your finger on what makes you happy now that you're older. People with good jobs and good income aren't insulated from feeling this way, and by no means should you feel ashamed for it.

[adepressedthrow]

I've being going through a cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBTi) course, but that's not really akin to talking to someone. I have been very resistant to the idea of therapy, as I don't tend to open up to people I know well, and I'm not very trusting of less scientific advice (as therapy is oft to recommend).

What in the therapy sessions brought out the new hobbies? I have many things I would _like_ to do if I weren't feeling terrible; piano (I took over 10 years of lessons) and other music, DIY electronics, Lego, among other things.

> literally jumping for joy

That is not something I've experienced for a very long time. I've been using Daylio for over two years now and have logged my mood every single day. The number of times I've rated my mood as above "meh" counts less than 40 in 680 days.

[speedyapoc]

Therapy is a deeply personal thing, and as such I can understand the hesitancy. I suppose that therapists can vary but mine was not one to give advice. Sessions consisted of me working through my feelings in a safe place, free of distractions, with the therapist effectively working as a guide to keep things on course. It was not a case of someone hearing my problems and suggesting solutions. My progress I had came from within, as a result of the sessions.

With respect to hobbies, I think that the inflection point was realizing that there were truly things still did excite me. From there, it was a matter of working up the courage to explore them. It wasn’t something that happened instantly, but generally being more in tune with my feelings, through therapy, allowed me to identify opportunities for hobbies and balancing activities.

It’s interesting that you mention Lego and DIY electronics. I had similar interests which, from what I would guess, stemmed from an interest in building things (which was the reason I got into software in the first place).

[donthurtme]

> I'm not very trusting of less scientific advice (as therapy is oft to recommend).

Science can't provide all the answers; in fact the goal of science isn't even to explicitly provide "advice" for anything. It's simply a tool we use to understand the natural world better.

Nor is the goal of therapy to provide advice. You don't go in there, tell them all your problems, and they tell you what to do. You might find that the experience is very different than your expectation of it – hopefully more helpful.

When it comes to human happiness, I think you'll find that abandoning logic in some instances is the best path toward fulfillment. I don't know if you are religious or hold spiritual beliefs (you don't have to be to be happy), but it's not difficult to see that many people who DO hold beliefs that aren't "scientific" per se can also be very fulfilled. If your goal is fulfillment, or meaning, or finding a better center for yourself, it may help to open your mind a little bit and accept that not all human problems have scientific explantations.

[whydoineedthis]

Let me offer a different perspective to therapy. From my experience, having access to a doctorate trained person in behavior science is akin to an advisor that a King (or Queen) would gainfully employ. For a $20 co-pays, you have access to a life advisor that would typically only be afforded by the absolute wealthiest in feudal times. Your standard of living (with your insurance) affords you nearly the same benefit that only Kings would enjoy - that's quite a jump in standard of living.

With regards to being guarded toward people you don't know,please know that therapy doesn't start this way - with a dump of your intermost secrets. It's starts with talking about everyone else in your life. Over time, report builds and this person is now a friend firmly committed to seeing you succeed.

A note on choosing a therapist -find an actual doctorate that could prescribe pills (speaks to their level of education) but prefers not to. They often state this in their bio/website, and this way you can avoid any pill pushers, while getting the highest caliber of advisor.

I wish you luck, King Adepressedthrow.

[adepressedthrow]

This is certainly an amusing way to think about it. I especially like your note about finding a doctorate; that is likely to help alleviate some of my concerns, and hopefully bring better treatment because of it.

[techcode]

Then you have to go further back in order to find instances of fun/excitement/engagement.

While I haven't been keeping a detailed log - I did recall last time (and then several more before that) when I was able to put important/urgent project or work on hold to do something else that's more fun and has been itching for a while.

Literally last time was 3+ years ago - when I said to my team/manager "I know this project is behind/urgent, and to continue for a while longer on it, I'll take 2-3 days to work on this other thing that's not in our scope".

Since then it's been a stream of such behind/urgent/huge/important projects - and only now I realized that I didn't do those "breaks" of working shortly on something else.