[bitcoinGod88]

Tinder has completely messed up dating in terms of spontaneously meeting people. The only chance normal guys have for dating now is via their friend groups and with girls who don't use Tinder (which is still a surprising percentage in certain circles of 'nerdier' girls)

[cartoonworld]

In my opinion the best bet is to choose an activity and do it. You will naturally socialize with other like minded individuals, have some fun, maybe even learn a useful skill, and you will for certain feel good doing it :)

People (generalizing here) are attracted to happy, engaged, healthy people. Attractiveness markers are health markers. If you find yourself with an internal voice telling you you are bad or wrong or not good enough, may I humbly suggest adopting this mantra in their place: "I can become good at anything."

because you can.

[sul_tasto]

This is excellent advice. I was 26, living alone in Chicago, and I was having a hard time making friends- let alone getting a date. I signed up to learn French at the Alliance Francaise - and I ended up meeting my wife. We’ve been happily married for 16 years.

My assumption from the outside is that Tinder is a hookup site, and that you’re not going to meet anyone worth dating there anyway. I’d suggest volunteering with orgs which look to be supported by young members, business groups targeted towards “young professionals”, etc. I’d look for groups that either have regular members or encourage some kind of repeat involvement, so that you have time to meet people and make friends naturally. Lastly, I think it’s important to join such groups with the intent on having fun.

I wish you all the best. I promise you that there are others out there who are also trying to make friends and find someone special.

[meheleventyone]

Just as a counter point to hookups are bad I met my wife by randomly hooking up with her at a bar. Just because people are interested in finding people to have sex with doesn’t reduce their worth.

[cartoonworld]

Hi & congrats! What you say is very true, but I would like to point out that you were following my advice. Bars are a classic social gathering and definitely work too. Bar activities include casual conversations, billiards, dart games, magic tricks (there are scads of tricks with cups and drinks) dancing, etc

Personally I avoid bars, but it is indeed fine when approached with appropriate caution (as would be rock climbing gyms, for example, which are a stellar choice btw)

[meheleventyone]

Sorry you misunderstand. This is much closer to hooking up with someone from Tinder which is why I drew the comparison. We left together about fifteen minutes after meeting one another.

It’s also ironic that I’ve climbed a lot and never found anyone to date let alone that I get on with as well.

[cartoonworld]

I strongly disagree that bar hookups are the same as Tinder because you can achieve hookups quickly. I question if you have used tinder recently.

In bar scenarios, you are both moving around and maybe a bit uninbibited, exhibiting relaxed body language, talking and engaging in some courtship behaviors. You can see how people interact in the real world.

Swiping left or right as you contemlate the causes of hemorrhoids is so far divorced from this normal behavior, and there is no bar algorithm beseeching you to "super like" a curated, mostly fake dating profile chosen not for your future engagement ring, but as a sales tactic to drive "engagement". Buying someone a drink is only superficially similar to internet (paid) likes.

It isn't impossible for it to work fine, but Tinder sucks for society.

[gfe8ygighjb7]

This is spot on, pick an activity that you are interested in and make it your serious hobby. And it doesn't have to be just one activity, pick a few. However, don't pick an activity just because you think that where you can find relationships. Also some activities are just not that good for meeting people. There has to be some balance of your interest and social opportunities.

In my case, when I first got serious about dealing with unbearable loneliness, I went down very dark path of gurus and pickup artists, who basically advocated doing things just for hooking up. I did end up trying a lot of things but not all activities were that interesting to me. It took a long time for me to realize what really interested me and I focused on only those activities which actually made me connect with people at deeper level. However, I was not feeling lonely anymore, so I am not sure if I would have figured out what really interested me if I was still lonely.

I suggest to start off, try a lot of different activities, until you find something that you truly enjoy. Here are a few suggestions,

Outdoors free yoga classes - not indoors. In my experience, people are friendly in outdoors classes but most women don't want to talk to anyone. So don't ruin it by forcing conversation. If anything, make some new guy friends.

Rock climbing - hate to suggest it as rock climbing community is very friendly and don't want it to get ruined by people joining it just for hookups. It is also very good mental and physical exercise.

Dog - Volunteer to take your friends' dogs to dog parks, especially if there is one with good social scene. Girls will start conversations with you. If you do enjoy taking care of a dog, adopt one or start volunteering at your local shelter.

Running - Running is one sports where women outnumber men. Join a local running group. But any sports club would do, crossfit gyms maybe another option.