[hypesafe]

I am in my late 30s and 8 months back I went through a similar phase where I just wanted to throw in the towel and call it quits. It initially manifested as procrastination. The weight of accumulated work kept increasing and it in turn furthered the feeling of helplessness and deep sadness about my mental state. Slowly I started seeing physiological changes - every Sunday evening I would get fever and chills just thinking about the work week that lay ahead. Slowly the fevers and chills started manifesting every night. Occasionally I closed myself in a room and cried for hours. That episode is mostly behind me now. Looking back it all started when 2 relatively major life changes coincided. Becoming a Father and an exceptionally demanding new boss at work. I felt like I could not live up to my partner’s expectations at home and my boss’s expectations at work. The lack of sleep and not having any family to help out with childcare during the pandemic made things worse. Eventually I did quit my job but at the urging of my partner did so only after I had found another job wherein company was flexible with the start date. It allowed me to take a complete break from work for 2 months and it made a world of difference. All through this I managed to fake enthusiasm and productivity at the previous workplace enough that I still got a great performance rating and a humbling retention offer to keep me there. So no not everyone is productive and enthusiastic all the time - several of us are going through crises. We just manage to hide it well.