[Guid_NewGuid]

I've not had any kind of big success or built a business but I think I can relate to this being perhaps "successful enough" relative to people I know / my own expectations.

I think you can pour so much of your energy and focus into this vision of the goal you need to complete to feel fulfilment/happiness that it blocks out the depression, you're too busy to feel down and it will fuck up your plans and your goal to give into it, that's for other, less successful people (not my view, just what one tells oneself).

Then you get to that goal or aim and realise it doesn't make you feel the way you told yourself it would at all, maybe you feel a moment of satisfaction but it's probably very brief. Then you realise the beast of financial insecurity and social failure has stopped chasing you and that drive to override your mental state disipates, then you're alone with the underlying problem, the lack of any meaning to it all.

Sorry if that's not the way you experienced it but I thought I'd bounce the idea around. I hope you find a way to work to some peace with it.

[okareaman]

People with money seem so happy. I had a lot of cognitive dissonance when money didn't make me happy. The lifestyle I obtained felt like a gilded cage with no way out. The wife certainly wasn't buying my unhappiness and wouldn't consider that we should go back to what we were. If you didn't grow up with money, then I strongly recommend people get themselves a wealth counselor. I'm not even sure they exist, but didn't find anyone who could discuss with me my feelings about money and what it meant for my identity.

[ZephyrBlu]

> The wife certainly wasn't buying my unhappiness and wouldn't consider that we should go back to what we were

Probably because your wife wasn't there in the trenches like you were. You created the wealth, she just benefitted from it.

Please note that I'm not ragging on women. Children of rich families would also probably have the same attitude, regardless of gender.

[awillen]

I don't know about a wealth counselor, but get a therapist. So many people, especially founders, would benefit from talking to a professional.

Honestly, I'm surprised that there aren't a few therapists who work exclusively with founders - I'd honestly love to see a VC firm with a therapist on staff for its founders.

[im_down_w_otp]

If investors offered me counseling services, I don't see how I'd feel comfortable taking them. Not because I have anything against therapy (I used to regularly see a CBTist, and still employ the techniques personally all the time), but because I would have an incredibly hard time believing in both the VCs' wherewithal to hire such a person on more than their perceived celebrity within their professional/social circle and also I'd struggle in fundamentally trusting that mine and the therapist's incentives were properly aligned.

It seems like it couldn't possibly produce a dynamic that's much different than say corporate HR. Wherein the helping hand extended to the employee is always beneath that of the one that's protecting the company.

But, maybe that's just me exposing my rank cynicism, which by some measures is a personality flaw in its own right.

[markdjacobsen]

I recently spoke with someone from Alpha Bridge Ventures (https://www.alphabridge.vc) after writing a book about entrepreneur mental health. They provide mental health services to their founders, and my understanding is that they have a firewall between the investors and a separate entity that provides mental health services. A menu of mental health services is available to founders but the investors never know which founders are using them. Although they emphasize the intrinsic humanitarian value in helping their founders, they also rationalize their approach by noting that providing mental health services is good business; founder burnout is a leading risk factor for startup failure. I was impressed by their approach, which seems to mitigate the incentive problem.

[awillen]

Yeah, that's fair. I don't think it's quite like HR because it's a situation where your interests and your VCs' are better aligned, but that's not always the case.

Maybe better if they could just refer some independent therapists who have experience with founders.

[jrickert]

That all makes a lot of sense. I wonder if those issues could be alleviated by contracting a sufficiently large outside firm to manage therapy services, thus at least creating some separation and objectivity for individual therapists.

[dr_dshiv]

My wife has been using an approach called "Design Therapy" (www.designtherapy.org) that uses design thinking methods for self/couples development. This allows mental health challenges to be approached outside of a "disease treatment" frame. I appreciate the approach.

[e1g]

It’s becoming increasingly popular, at least in NYC, for VCs to promote their mental healthcare perks. Some have coaches, some even have psychologists as GPs. We are making progress.