[gonehome]

I think whether or not you make something part of your identity is a choice. This sounds like our core disagreement.

I think choosing to have something bad be part of the core of how you view yourself is harmful. There’s some evidence to back this up iirc (things like people involved in shootings being interviewed immediately after and then again months later - those that had issues recovering made it part of their identity, those that didn’t - didn’t).

If there are strategies to avoid harm I want to know what those are. If there are bad strategies I want to throw them away.

People can do what they want, but I wonder if defending and reinforcing someone’s identity as a victim does more harm than good.

In general I think people are way overconfident about what the “right” thing is here and what’s actually happening or what the best way to get out of it is.