[jtbayly]

Summary of several HN replies:

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Saying you’re sorry doesn’t cut it. You need to pay for it before we will accept your apology.”

Hence, cancel culture.

Edit: There’s no need to therefor assume the dude is totally changed based on one apology, but good grief people. The lesson I’m learning here is, “Never apologize. It will do no good and will simply drag the situation out longer.”

[spoonjim]

Well if saying “sorry” provides one with complete absolution then what’s the real cost of acting badly?

[neolog]

The cost is on the people who he behaved badly to. He needs to improve, not suffer.

[jtbayly]

Who said it absolves him? The question is why attack him for apologizing?

[williamsmj]

Because the apology is so shallow and glib and self-serving that it's literally worse than no apology.

[teddyh]

It might be a bad and insufficient apology, but people always say that, about all apologies, even honest and good ones. A more workable policy would be to never criticize apologies, but accept them and move on. You never want to make apologizing a sure-losing move.

[spoonjim]

Yes, but the apology should not affect the likelihood of being punished. If you do something bad, apologizing shouldn't be a ticket out of punishment.

[shkkmo]

The main things lacking are an acknowledgement of the pattern of bullying and a commitment to change.

Suffering is not mandatory, though personally I would be very pained to learn I had this sort of impact on someone.

[encryptluks2]

And people will one day walk all over you because they'll be like... All I gotta do is say he made me feel bad and I can get whatever I want from him.

[shkkmo]

Empathy != Weakness

Empathy != Stupidity

Empathy != Gullibility

[encryptluks2]

If you've ever been to a woman's shelter, most of the women stayed in abusive relationships because they were made to feel guilty like they were somehow responsible for someone else actions and feelings. Unless there is validity to the claims, which the blog author provided no actual evidence, then I see no need to apologize or feel guilt just because someone else felt a particular way.

[DoreenMichele]

Public apologies tend to be performative, not sincere, hence the pile on of negative stuff.

Sincere public apologies do tend to result in people going "You my bitch and whenever I'm an ass, I expect you to kiss my ass and say it's somehow your fault."

Public apologies tend to be a bad idea overall. It's a minefield of potential serious problems.

[superdug]

Not to be overly snarky, but the lesson you should have learned is to just not be an asshole in the first place.

[mirthflat83]

I can bully you like him and I just have to say “Oops, sorry I must have had a bad day and I hope you’re cool with my apology”? Cool deal

[jtbayly]

Oh yeah. That’s definitely what I said. /s

Edit: for what it’s worth, I would accept your apology for totally misrepresenting what I said and trying to make me look like an idiot. (Sort of sounds like bullying, doesn’t it?)

[mirthflat83]

It is.