[joebadmo]

Hi, I'm Asian, graduated from a state school with a humanities degree, worked my way from tech support at a tiny startup into engineering, and now (several jobs later) work as a software eng at Stripe. I've met plenty of other engineers here with non-traditional backgrounds.

I think you're: 1. way too hard on yourself. If you broaden your scope just a bit, you'll see that Amazon is an elite engineering organization. 2. buying way too much into phony credentialism. I don't make a big deal out of it, but personally I consider being able to hold my own engineering-wise while having gone to a state school as a badge of honor. 3. giving way too much headspace to comparing yourself with others in envy. There's always someone better, smarter, etc. I find them around me all the time. I choose to see them as mentors and role models, rather than rivals or competitors.

> I should have done research in high school and I should have gotten at least two first author papers to a top conference in undergrad - instead I got 2 2nd author papers to medium tier conferences because I could never come up with any compelling research ideas. All of my work is ultimately meaningless because it just wasn’t enough - it’s extremely depressing.

I don't think you're ever going to be satisfied if this is your definition of success. You should try to find meaning in the work itself, not in the recognition or status that comes from it.

Good luck!