[samlevine]

Dating isn't fun. At least it isn't for me as a middle aged divorce.

I get matches, I meet interesting people and go on dates and the process is just emotionally exhausting.

I would rather put in time into my job, or my friends, or my hobbies. If I can meet someone who wants to be part of my life, fantastic. If not, I will live until I don't.

[MeinBlutIstBlau]

As a 26 year old finishing up a Comp Sci degree, I'm in a similar camp. I mean I'd rate myself as a 5-6 straight up average. I get matches and have gone on several dates. What I've noticed is most men don't do profiles right at all. They show themselves off in what they do, not what's attractive. Also nobody every acknowledges that selfies are bad. I mean these are just little tips I've learned honing a profile over the course of a couple years.

But, thinking of dating like a resume, as well as making dates feel like interviews has made relationships nothing but a chore nowadays. It feels wholly like a business relationship without any contractual guarantees between the parties.

[GloriousKoji]

> They show themselves off in what they do, not what's attractive.

Can you elaborate on that? I thought the general advice is to show off what you do because you hope to find someone who also enjoys the same.

[MeinBlutIstBlau]

The other commenter was somewhat spot on. While it's cool that you went on a saltwater fishing trip, it's just a picture of you holding a fish. Or likewise killed a deer. A lot of women do not find that attractive on a dating profile. They will be fine with it if you mention that you do it on a date though. That's the key difference. It's not attractive whatsoever.

Now, the difference between doing it for fun once and a while and being a pro at something is completely different. You do a sport fishing league, own your own boat, and are die hard into it, it changes the context similar to what you're saying. Women would possibly find that attractive because you're not some schmuck. You've got clout somewhere and are an authority in it. That's the major difference that sets them apart. It's the exact reason why you see some SWE guys with attractive women even though they may not be attractive or seem autistic on the social specturm. They've achieved something and continually work at it. It's a subtle vetting process that states "I don't give up at the first sign of weakness and I am extremely motivated."

Basically once I moved my old profile toward doing cool things that I know interest women, my matches skyrocketed basically. It really made me understand why guys don't get swipes. It's literally a resume and you gotta make yourself the best candidate.

[kharak]

> Basically once I moved my old profile toward doing cool things that I know interest women, my matches skyrocketed basically. It really made me understand why guys don't get swipes. It's literally a resume and you gotta make yourself the best candidate.

What are those things? From what I've heard, the best pics are somewhat bland. Are you good looking, good fitting clothes and have a great smile? Just have this as profile. Then something with friends having fun, one shirtless (if well muscle-toned) and one with a dog. Oh and one doing sports, if that isn't the shirtless pic.

Never heard, that the activity in the background really matters.

[MeinBlutIstBlau]

We'll, I take pictures. If I'm out doing something, I'll take a picture or make an instagram post. I do pottery. Women universally love pottery. I play guitar. Not as universally liked but women still have an interest in it. How I dress, all my clothing is fitting and I have my own style. Even something as lame as an outdoor walk with a fanny pack. My smile is alright? Idk cause that's not what matters. Women want to see a few things and you as a guy need to know where you fit. They want to see friends, clout, hobbies, and well taken pics. Knock those out and just like a job, it never gets brought up again.

I mean I'm not amazing, had 0 friends to help me, and I still got likes (Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge). So how did I solve the "friends in a picture" issue if I had 0 friends? Go to bars. Hang out and chat with people. Somehow organically bring it up and take a pic. Boom, looks like you have friends haha. I've done it numerous times and it works flawlessly for that. Bars are also a great place to meet new friends. But at worst, you make them feel a tad uncomfortable but still make an attempt to have fun, while simultaneously benefiting you.

Take this for what you will, but if you're really struggling with dating, I highly recommend listening to the mating grounds podcast with Tucker Max. Say what you want about him, but his reasoning and extraordinarily sound. They have a "helping joe" series where they help this average dude date. Also with some other PhD guy whom I can't remember and another frat like dude. Just don't walk in with prejudices about who they are. They know their stuff hence why the topic of dating isn't difficult for them.

[BeFlatXIII]

…but physical attractiveness is required to be curious if they have compatible interests and life goals in the first place. To continue the dating as job interview metaphor, it’s often the case that the skills you need on the job and the skills you need to get hired are often disjoint sets.

[nicbou]

That's exactly why I don't do it. It's work. It's demanding, exhausting even.

[kevin_thibedeau]

Take up hobbies that require interaction with people who have a shared interest. Then you don't have to pass the gauntlet of prejudgement.