[seibelj]

Only on HN would advocating for the importance of family be rabidly downvoted.

Family is a universal component of human civilization. Our current president has repeatedly stated the utmost importance of his family, as has every president.

What makes family bonds so strong is that they won’t turn your back on you when you are in a bind. They are much stronger than friends. Stable households are the most important predictor for childhood success.

You won’t find many who are bitterly opposed to the concept of family except those that are lonely during the holidays.

[Applejinx]

One of the reasons I'm a HN type is that I'm the type of entrepreneur who will beat himself into the ground to get to my results, no matter what it takes.

Part of the reason for this is that when I was much younger, my family DID turn their back on me, and I became homeless, and I was treated as a black sheep loser all my life and was compelled to reach for other things. I did not have friends for the most part, and my family ties were much worse than that, and I dreaded any connections I had to have.

Made for a lot of free time to work on things that interested me. I was happier during the holidays when I'd got past whatever obligations I even had, those being as minimal as possible.

It didn't make me a good person. It made me a bad person. I've spent years trying to overcome that badness, with some success, despite not getting a lot of reason to bother: I didn't grow up with any sort of positive role models or connections (Dad having rage and guilt issues, and Mom literally being a secret heroin addict). I'd probably be dead if Mom hadn't got clean, then got me clean (we were both so miserable that any change seemed exciting) and started a long slow road towards being less toxic.

You will find damaged people without the importance of family (in a normal sense) among the most significant and influential people in hacker culture, and in SV unicorn culture. These are the people who ride the unicorns, because they aren't normal and aren't good people… just inhumanly driven.

GOOD family makes for good people. Good people aren't always what you look for when you're trying to make the next billion-dollar tech unicorn. Certainly not in leadership.

[seibelj]

I’m sorry you experienced this. My home life wasn’t perfect but it was much better than yours. I love my wife and children most of all - they are what I mean by a created family as the family we created was the result of my wife and I choosing to do so. Immense contentment and fulfillment come from my immediate family.

I have found it much better to come to amends with past family I have had issue with than it is to hold grudges and become estranged. I’m not saying your situation is salvageable but that is my experience.

I am also a very driven person and work in tech startups at the executive level. My ability to work long hours and succeed is enhanced by the love of my family rather than fueled by past wrongs.

[Applejinx]

Yeah, I'm finding it impossible to pull that one off, even after inheriting money: I simply do not have the socialization to get into or maintain a romantic relationship. That's improving but it may never get there and there's nothing I can do about it but be patient and try to improve as a person, in the absence of feedback or reward. Nobody is going to get down into the hole with me and dig me out, I've got to dig myself out and may never get there.

However, this is the same problem I faced as an entrepreneur, so naturally I am doing my best with it. One thing I am, is stubborn :D

[seibelj]

> I simply do not have the socialization to get into or maintain a romantic relationship.

IMO dating is a numbers game. I met my wife on Tinder ~9 years ago. No idea the online dating scene now but even back then Tinder was known as a hookup app. I was very upfront that I was looking for a long-term relationship, on Tinder and another app I was on. I believe you can learn more about a person in 5 minutes in person than you can in any amount of digital communication pre-meet. Another good thing about online dating is both of you know exactly why you are speaking - when you try to convert acquaintances into romantic partners there is a bit of confusion there.

Numbers game because most will not be a good fit, and also you will get rejected a lot. If you are emotionally prepared for commitment then you can be emotionally prepared for disappointment. But once you find a good fit you will find a partner for life! I think you can do it.

[axiom92]

>What makes family bonds so strong is that they won’t turn your back on you when you are in a bind. They are much stronger than friends. Stable households are the most important predictor for childhood success.

This is blanket generalization. Such generalizations are (rightfully) hard to prove. It is likely that families are a positive force for _most_ people, but I am not sure if there is research that concludes that every single human would benefit from having a family/should put up with whatever family they have?

Going back to my original point, any "list" of N things cannot possibly fit all humans. Other people might have different opinions based on their own life experiences.