[WarOnPrivacy]

> I read your list. It’s very comprehensive.

Incorrect. It is a small subset.

> I’d wager an average person from any previous century would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Indeed, I bet an average resident of many third-world countries would do the same.

Sure. Many would. Others would be overwhelmed by the complexity of not just required hours in the day (which tend to increase for the very poor) but also by the many thousands of laws and regulations that can ding us if we run afoul of them. Past that are myriad of requirements from different corps in our lives.

As with some others here, you seem to be confusing (or maybe conflating) 'hard' (as in starvation, disease and invasion) with complex (as in complex).

> In fact, I bet the average resident of the average trailer park ten miles from where you live would trade places with you.

I'll take that bet. Over the last decade we were frequently without food and my wife's mental illness brought ceaseless, life-changing misery to our household. I could go on for many paragraphs but I think this sets the stage.

Where do I collect?

[lurquer]

Sorry to hear about your wife. And your lack of food.

Similar items were in your list. I ignored them.

Because those issues are universal at all times and at all places.

Dealing with a mentally ill wife in the 1300s was, I would bet, a bit more ‘complex’ and draining that dealing with a mentally ill wife in a modern city with emergency psych wards, effective drugs (available for convenient pick-up at pharmacies on nearly every corner), and entire industry of psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, etc.

I mean, if we are comparing apples to apples, I’d much rather have a mental illness issue in a family member today versus 100 years ago. I’d rather not have the issue present at all, but that’s not a comparison. I mean, you could just as well say, “Trade places with me?! I’m a balding quadriplegic typing this with my nose! I challenge you to find any 13th century peasant who would be willing to trade places with me!”

Edit: I’d chime in with the other response. Namely, you sound very stressed out. I wish your situation wasn’t so complex. Seriously. Hang in there.

[WarOnPrivacy]

> Dealing with a mentally ill wife in the 1300s was, I would bet, a bit more ‘complex’ and draining that dealing with a mentally ill wife in a modern city with emergency psych wards, effective drugs (available for convenient pick-up at pharmacies on nearly every corner), and entire industry of psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, etc.

It'd be simpler then because there was simply nothing to do.

> I’d chime in with the other response. Namely, you sound very stressed out. I wish your situation wasn’t so complex. Seriously. Hang in there.

Thanks. This is hardly just me tho. My challenges are mid-grade. Just in the US are many millions who have far more difficult challenges. That something so prevalent might not be well-known is interesting.

[WarOnPrivacy]

> Similar items were in your list. I ignored them.

I've noticed a trend here to fixate on individual items on the list. This obfuscates it's point - which is that the modern life = simple bliss analysis omits the vast bulk of everything that is required of us.

Over the course of a year, about how many laws, regulations and requirements do you figure you'll be forced to consider?

Few will only need to be handled once. And all that together is a minor requirement of all that's expected of us.

Honestly tho. Resisting the notion that our lives are immensely complex compared to any point in history is an odd thing to do.

I won't go as far as to tag it complexity-denialism. Not even in a passive-aggressive way.

[manmal]

I hope I don’t offend you by suggesting this, and I’m ready to face a hard rejection - but you could probably benefit from saying No to obligations/responsibilities more often, and caring a little bit less about always doing the right thing. Murphy’s law means people fill their life with complexity until there’s no room left.

[WarOnPrivacy]

> I hope I don’t offend you by suggesting this, and I’m ready to face a hard rejection - but you could probably benefit from saying No to obligations/responsibilities more often

A couple of things. I'm outlining common challenges so your advice would have to be applied broadly. You'd be asking a large chunk of the population to not be engaged in their community, etc.

Past that, my not-absolutely-critical activities did wind down when catastrophe after catastrophe became the new norm. In that phase, what was left was minimal for survival. Letting any of that go would just tack-on another catastrophe.

Again - the larger point is that I wasn't an outlier for the whole of the US. However, within the group that have the resources to post here, midday, I might be an outlier.

[manmal]

Fair enough!

I'm from the EU, and we do approach things differently here - e.g. we pay more taxes and social security (net income is probably 70% or less of what a dev with my experience makes in the US), but as a result don't have to take care of the community so much. Cities/state/church are taking care mostly, and they do get paid for that.

Roads are most of the time not a problem - where I'm living at least. We had a pothole in our street three years ago, I called a number, and a week later it was fixed.

With two kids, I could get away for a few weeks with just driving them and the wife to school/kindergarten/work, and ordering groceries online. I have an electric car which I charge at home and which doesn't need any maintenance besides the once-a-year checkup. Aside from that, there are hardly any must-dos.

I did help friends move when we were younger, but now they just hire companies for that. Certainly wouldn't feel obligated to help someone move, what with having the kids at home and all.

If there's time for more activities, fine (we usually do loads of stuff); but if catastrophe hits, then the week might be boring for everybody, but the freed up energy can be spent to work on the issue at hand. I understand and appreciate that it is a _very_ privileged situation I'm in, but I also know that I'm not really an outlier among software developers in my country.

Maybe this is not feasible where you are living and in your situation. But maybe you can scale down even more than you thought.