I think US banking is the outlier here. I've never paid anything like this anywhere in Europe, the vast majority of transactions (for example SEPA) are free, or very close to free.
I’ve found SEPA to be highly overrated. Upon further investigation I learned that Europeans have little experience with cross-border SEPA.
Its free but not anywhere near instant (although your conversation was not about speed). The instant version of SEPA exists in a thin patchwork, which might solve the most common use cases of people in the same country using that country’s largest banks. Everything else is pretty much the same as ACH in the US in that it also takes several business days, and is also free.
I've never had cross border SEPA take longer than a business day. Don't doubt it can happen, but if you submit before the cutoff and it's not there by end of next business day your bank or the recipient bank are violating the rules.