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by DanBC
1860 days ago
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I get really confused when these kinds of posts get lots of upvotes. There's almost no insight here. And the tiny little glimpse of insight he has -- they flub it. The valuable part is not "being direct with other people so they can be direct with me". The valuable part is "creating psychological safety so that people can be direct with me". This is much harder, because you'll need to take into account how they work. Some people need the praise sandwich, others just need to be told, others will only want to be told what's wrong if you'll also tell them how to fix it. |
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This comment made me think of a post by Sandy Maguire that I read a little while back (https://sandymaguire.me/blog/building-over-the-abyss/)
> When I go back and read LessWrong, I’m awestruck by the apparent dissonance between my memories of it and the material in front of me. All I can remember about reading LW is a consistent and unending stream of insights. Mind-shattering insights. When I read it now however, my experience is also consistent and unending, though instead of insights I now say “obviously – who would think this is worthwhile to write about?”
> I take this to imply that I have internalized LessWrong. I’ve learned the majority of what it was trying to impart on me, and it’s become second nature. This has made my life better.
What's obvious to you may not be obvious to others as you've internalised the earlier steps.
I also feel like the psychological safety part requires a foundation of trust (and honesty). If someone who's lied to me a bunch of times in the past is giving me feedback, regardless of how it's framed, I'm not going to trust that feedback. It's unlikely that I'll be receptive to it, even if it's totally valid