[coyotespike]

I endorse what megameter and tvieweg both said.

I'll add that you are not even middle-aged, and people do all kinds of crazy things even after they are middle-aged. They move to Mexico and run surfboard shops. They go to Antarctica and drive trucks around a frozen camp. You can start a new career! "Well into your 30s" isn't all that old, speaking as someone who definitely is.

If you could find the resources, and at the risk of sounding cliche, it may be worth talking to someone. It can really help to have a trained therapist in your corner. You're facing real challenges, and you sound like you're also feeling a lot of despair and trapped feelings. Processing those feelings well is perhaps the most important part of navigating your sticky situation.