[stevesycombacct]

In a previous life I worked in secured government spaces where personal devices weren't allowed at all, full stop, and the internet was also restricted to prevent access to most web streaming services.

If I wanted to listen to music while coding, I found a workaround by owning a Shuffle and getting approval for it. The Shuffle doesn't have a USB port and doesn't connect to WiFi or Bluetooth, so it met all the criteria for an exemption.

It's weird having lived in such a strict cross-section of users to need these specific criteria met. Even the OP lists several options that all would fail to meet these restrictions.