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by yhoneycomb
1890 days ago
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Honestly, you lost me with just the second sentence of this: > Jurgen has a headache that won't go away. Ok, I'm intrigued. > He knows his fellow scientist Simon is watching him, waiting for him to be careless and kill another rat. Uhhh wut? I'm totally confused, and to be honest "why is he killing rats" is not really a question where I'm on the edge of my seat looking for an answer. |
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"Jurgen has a headache that won't go away. He knows his fellow scientist Simon is watching him, waiting for him to be careless and kill another rat. Ben knows all about these mistakes, and more. But he's online, always online, talking with others. He's in trouble and doesn't know how to get out of it. Mark fears he knows what actually is going on in the lab and the consequences for all three of them could be fatal. Who is the liar? Who is in danger? Who will die?"
Thank you for your feedback. Writing a back cover does take skill. Others have commented that they like it - but I'm not arrogant to claim it's flawless. It will appeal to some and not to others.
Hmmmm it has got me thinking on how to improve it tbh... It's been such a long time that I've thought about my work.
The line you quote, is supposed to convey paranoia. You're right why care about Jürgen killing a dumb rat? But then there is Ben and Mark etc.
I would love to have your feedback on my book (it sounds like it would be brutal). Personally I can't see that Ive sold you though ^^
Thanks again