[agustif]

But isn't all cloud offerings basically a better cpanel with docker or kube or whatever?

Don't get me wrong, as a developer I hate the bloat, but as a UX/UI PoV you can install a lot of shit that's dockerized pretty easily...

sandstorm.io is a cool way to self-host open source projects for example

[iagovar]

Can I download your non-PHP app, copy and paste into a folder, and get it running after 5 clicks? More important, are the majority of apps of non PHP langs like this?

Most PHP apps out there are dump easy to use. That's not the case even for Python.