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Some ideas: Be humble. I don't mean talk yourself down, but keep in mind we all are still learning. Be open to feedback. Know the purpose and something about the audience. Make an outline (at least). Think it over. Have enough written that if you get stuck or have a memory lapse, you aren't just done. Learn the material well enough that you can look at the audience, and talk to them like they are other humans (maybe even some are friends). Know the time limit and stop on time. And then what isn't to be confident about? We're all capable of thinking and of being nervous, and of saying what we think in an organized way then sitting down. I wrote more at my site (buried there somewhere). I hope some info there on speaking can be useful (it is to me, it is how I work it out, when preparing to speak), whether because of or in spite of the religious content, as I had speaking in Church mainly in mind (in mine, anyone might be asked to speak, from a young age, though of course one can decline). A friend from my past went to toastmasters, mentioned here, and now hosts a weekly radio show on ~ bluegrass/folk/world music. (gregharness.com) Edits: But for ad-hoc settings, like conversations and meetings?: I am still working on that too. I think people are just different in those situations, some who tend to think fast, or deeply, or different levels of desiring to consider facts before speaking, or different levels or kinds of courtesy. Some prefer long meetings, others short; email vs. interruptions. Among the main universal desirables I can see are honesty, effort, and kindness, and observing people and situations. I have made many notes and reminders of things I am trying, like things to try to always remember, that help me. Sometimes I just fall back to "I have to think it over and can get back to you", or maybe "That doesn't sound right [or good], but I need to think about how best to articulate it." If people are so unkind as to not accept that, perhaps they need to see an example of honesty and kindness over time, while we all keep doing our best. Listening and considering others' perspective are also key (without it, we end up at war or something). I also find it helpful to put myself in the shoes of the audience (or of others) and go through the process mentally, rehearsing in a loose way, to just imagine how it might go -- corrections and ideas often come up that way. Also imagining being the audience: what questions come to mind if you want to pick it apart? Then mentally practice an appropriate/helpful response. Mental practice of a challenging situation is really helpful -- maybe there's some better name for doing that -- how it could go, how you want it to go, how it could fail, what you would do to address the failure and move on so "no problem", etc. |