[Graffur]

I recommend reading this book: https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/...

I also recommend writing down your ideas. When you lose your train of thought you can refer back to what is written down.

Ask for help - tell the group you've lost your train of thought and ask what was the last thing you said. People do not want to see you fail, they will help you.

Acknowledge it is okay if you don't sound confident. It's only important to communicate what you aimed to communicate. Focus on that rather than what you sound like.

If you organized the meeting or presentation, send an agenda or materials in advance. Look for feedback in advance. Send followups to your information sharing. Summaries and further info. All this can be done in chat/email.

I guarantee that if you do these few things you will feel better within a month.

[MeinBlutIstBlau]

That book is snake oil written for introverts. Your ticket to confidence is public speaking, conversing with strangers, capable of holding conversations even with people you hate or are bored with, and leaving your damn room to do literally anything but staying at home. If you're still embarrassed to show vulnerability and that you have faults, you'll never be confident.

[Graffur]

Your comment is a bit of a mess but I'll try engage.

Did you read the book? What did you get from it? Assuming you don't consider yourself an introvert, how did you come to the conclusion it is snake oil for introverts?

Public speaking is not something everyone has to do or has to enjoy. Is public speaking mandatory for an artist, a carpenter, a small business owner, a kindergarten teacher, a nurse, a fireman, an accountant? (No is the answer). Not everyone needs to do a Ted Talk :)

If you think that introverts don't leave their "damn room" you have a misunderstanding of what you're discussing.

[MeinBlutIstBlau]

I don't consider myself an introvert. I very much was an introvert most of my teenaged and early 20's years. Now I don't consider myself either because I think it's stupid. Some weeks I really need to just stay in cause I have stuff I want or need to do. Other days I'm excited to go out.

I call it snake oil because it sells this idea that introverts are just misunderstood and not listened to enough because of their introspective nature. Well, if they want anyone to listen to them, they have to learn how to convey a message meaningful enough and with cultural/social tact that can only be earned through experiences with other people. Being an introvert will not garner you that.

It's not just "introverts need to leave their damn room" it's "if introverts wanna be heard, they need to become extroverts because they do not have the average social/emotional intelligence that extroverts do." The reason I say this is because there are a myriad of socialites with 0 skills whatsoever yet they hold a greater reach and clout than even the smartest programmer who just sits in his house all day coding. Why? Because they have people who will vouch for what they'll say. "Actions not words" certainly holds merit, but if you got 1,000 people who can vouch for you or are willing to lie on your behalf, it holds greater sway in human society than you being capable of maintaining the most complex and incredible code bases.

[intricatedetail]

What if you are not interested in other person private life, weather, etc I cannot find a point in those small talk conversations. Rarely people done anything interesting and it's hard to pretend you are genuinely interested. I rarely speak to people. How to find interest?

[MeinBlutIstBlau]

It's a social skill. Once you break past the facade that everybody partakes in you realize it makes people like you.

I used to think and act the same way. I'd never talk, I kept to myself, and didn't feel the need to talk about frivolous things. Then I realized I had no friends.