[adventured]

Adult debate groups are tremendous for improving on this. They're like youth debate clubs, but obviously for adults.

Reduce focus on the setting, increase focus on the ideas.

Think less of the people you're talking to, as you're almost guaranteed to be overvaluing their potential opinions and undervaluing your own. That imbalance - to the extent it exists out of proper alignment - can be a large reservoir of anxiety.

Based on what you're describing, you're almost immediately overvaluing the mere potential opinions of others, before they even exist (prior to their expression). I assume this means you have a strong need for approval, which isn't an easy thing to reduce. I would remind yourself that there are many ways to achieve approval, including by intellectually stomping your opponent in a debate of ideas. Again, that's where debate clubs are very useful to building up that perspective, you get to see that there are other ways to get a positive outcome rather than acquiescing to the opinions of others. People can like you for many reasons; being liked for being weak isn't a positive (and people that like you for being weak and deferring to them, are monsters to not be respected); being liked for intellectual fortitude is a positive; you can have either outcome, but only one of those is good.