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Hello dear hacker fellow, I fully understand how you feel - I've got to the same state you are, with a difference that it came 10 years later than for you. I've got the same feelings about being unsatisfied, not challenged enough, feeling not useful, feeling not understood. With a difference - though it might not be a real advantage - I did not feel inferior and I do not envy others who achieve more than me. This is because in my youth I had a friend who helped me to gain much confidence. Still, I got stuck - secure situation, paid job, family, kids, paying the house every month - but not happy. It came to a moment when I went to my doctor and told him that I cannot continue any more. He stopped me from working, 4 months. I still see my doctor twice a week. It's difficult, but it helped me to take decisions - I quit the job and are about to build my own thing. I have still a lot to understand on myself and other personal decisions to take. But bit by bit I get the confidence back, I start contacting friends, start to talk, start to act. I think you need somebody to speak to. You need real friend(s) with whom you can freely discuss about your feelings, your fears, uncertainties. It might be that a good psychoanalyst might help - this is the case for me, though it took me to try out 2 different before I found the one I am comfortable with. And this despite the fact that I am still critical about psychoanalysis, that I do not fully trust it, that I find psychoanalysts most of the time talking BS, that I find psychoanalysts elitists, despite the fact that they will never take the risk and give you any ETA ;) - for me it helped to resolve some problems. Two years before my break down, a friend told me that I should start psychoanalysis. And I told him all the arguments, why I was not sure I wanted to - it is expensive, how am I going to provide for my family, it will take too much time, I do not trust psychoanalysis, etc... He told me: "Anyway, one day you will have no choice and all the fears you have today will become insignificant and it will be about your survival." Two years after the moment came. But I wish, I was strong enough to take his advice earlier and avoid the breakdown... But this is only my personal opinion and you will get many different and contradictory opinions and advices. It will be up to you to sort out which match for you. I wish you good luck |