[mensetmanusman]

US-centric views of love have evolved more towards ‘if it feels right, do it’

It feels odd to tell anyone ‘no’ because people think you are judging them, so most just stay quiet.

In a different culture, Tony may have survived if people felt comfortable questioning dangerous behavior.

[pen2l]

It's not contributing much to the discussion to just say "This." but man I really just want to say, indeed as someone who isn't originally from an American culture but now resides in America: the observation you make is profound and so important, and I hope everyone considers this and thinks about this.

Because I know exactly what you're talking about and I'm struggling with this so much, about being supportive of our friends on various decisions they make sometimes even when we don't think deep down it's the right thing in some situations, but we're afraid to say it for an increasing amount of reasons: criticism from woke culture, being afraid of being seen as bossy, party-pooper, disagreeable, puritan. But friends are friends, give them honesty, show them the doubt you feel, tell them your gut feeling. Yeah it'll take some work to make it palatable, but do it, give the hard take that you really should.

[rxhernandez]

I don't think this is true. In the circles I run in (which are as nearly as "woke" as you can be), your family and closest friends have carte blanche to tell you you're full of shit.

I know I rely on my family and friends to do so. Conversely, I know I'm able to do so with them and they love me just the same.

I mean, it's a trope at this point in American media where your loved one can slap your face hard to give you a reality check. I've never personally had that happen but to say the culture is a culture of enablers doesn't seem well supported.

[haram_masala]

There’s a Russian saying, “Your friends are the ones who can tell you ‘no.’”

[jfengel]

There's an American joke that "Your friend is the one who comes to bail you out of jail. Your best friend is the one next to you in the cell going, "Duuuude, that was AWESOME!!!!"

It's a joke, but the humor exists because it illustrates the idea that the people really like their enablers. Not everybody would find the joke funny, though I have no idea if Americans in general find it funnier than people from other cultures.

[webmaven]

> There's an American joke that "Your friend is the one who comes to bail you out of jail. Your best friend is the one next to you in the cell going, "Duuuude, that was AWESOME!!!!"

Another stab in the same general vicinity is: "A friend will help you move. A REAL friend will help you move a body."

[codezero]

These truisms tend only to apply to people who are subject to social pressure, a feature that goes away when you are wealthy enough.

[ProAm]

People who do not listen to their friends are already dead.

[TMWNN]

>US-centric views of love have evolved more towards ‘if it feels right, do it’

Wikipedia on the early history of Saturday Night Live:

>Drugs were a major problem during the show's first five years. "The value system that was around there was, as long as people showed up on time, did their job, it was nobody's business what they did in their bedroom or in their lives. That value system turned out to be wrong", [Show creator Lorne] Michaels later said. [Original cast member Dan] Aykroyd said that "The cocaine was a problem. Not for me, it was never my favorite... but it was around a lot, and it was affecting the work, the performance, the quality of the scripts... wasting time, and that was bad".

The one exception among cast and crew:

>[Jane] Curtin remained on the show through the 1979–1980 season. Guest host Eric Idle said that Curtin was "very much a 'Let's come in, let's know our lines, let's do it properly, and go' ... She was very sensible, very focused", and disliked the drug culture in which many of the cast participated. Show writer Al Franken stated that she "was so steady. Had a really strong moral center, and as such was disgusted by much of the show and the people around it".

For Curtin to have made it through the first five years of SNL without succumbing to what almost destroyed the show and those who were a part of it—during the 1970s in NYC, the era of Studio 54, no less—is remarkable.

[goat_whisperer]

I don't know if you read the article. But there were people trying to intervene, namely his family, and people calling the police to check in on him. However, the people who were on his payroll made an effort to prevent this stuff, and Tony himself saw any kind of intervention as a kind of betrayal.

So generalizing this example and applying it to US culture is off base.