[megrimlock]

That sounds really frustrating. Have you asked them why they didn't offer, in a non-accusatory way that won't put them immediately on the defensive? They may feel guilty and too ashamed to speak of it now. I can imagine the last thing you want to do is go over this experience with them, but the fact remains that you all hold a shared experience with your mother and there's still the chance to connect with them over that, and honor her memory that way.

Sorry, I don't mean to be presumptuous; I just think this kind of thing is so rarely discussed until you're in the middle of it.