| Obvious advice first: Get another job. I don't care what a dream this job is. It is ruining your health and making you miserable. Or: This is your dream job, so move to Amsterdam. Will they not help you get a visa for Amsterdam? Amsterdam is probably awesome. Oh, the beer they have there. Of course, your girlfriend may not want to go to Amsterdam; they may have a poor market for American nurses. And then there's the dog. If you can't do Amsterdam at least consider the East Coast. 4am to 1pm is a whole different ballgame than midnight to 9. Having exhausted the obvious advice, I'm not sure what to tell you. You should read a couple of books on sleep science. They will tell you what you probably already know: Humans are designed to have biological clocks that are reset by light, trying to fight this is hard for just about everyone, even the people who insist it doesn't affect them are almost certainly wrong at some level, you pretty clearly aren't one of those people, and if you are unusually sensitive this schedule will totally mess you up. You're doing the right things, with the caffeine and the exercise, but between your obviously impaired mental state [1], your potential incipient depression, and the social isolation it sounds like a recipe for serious ill health. So I'm back to square one with the advice: Look for another job. They say there are jobs for programmers on the West Coast. Surely there are one or two. Listen to your dog. Every afternoon he tries to tell you: LISTEN CRAZY HUMAN IT IS CALIFORNIA SUNSHINE OUT THERE WE SHOULD BE AWAKE WHAT ARE YOU THINKING I AM NOT SOME KIND OF BAT-DOG. The dog is smart. Dogs are not crazy enough to torture themselves, gulping the Ambien and going on crazy 28-hour benders and living like a mole, over some job six thousand miles away. Dogs live in the now. --- [1] obvious to you, I mean. You sound quite functional and self-aware to me. Imagine how smart you must sound when you're fully awake! |
In general I agree with your viewpoint. I've been willing to sacrifice myself on some level to appease this schedule, which is the wrong long-term strategy. For the time being I am on the west coast, so some of the other moving considerations I might make are out of the question. Feeling "stuck" put me in a mental quandary, but it shouldn't be that way. I need to open the lines of communication to my team and address this issue head-on; ultimately the team will grow and more displacement will occur. My experience should provide a template by which we can all work together effectively, no matter what the time zone.
Thank you again for your reality check, I very much appreciate it.