[rocketbop]

> I stopped contacting most of my friends over 9 months ago and have not heard back from most for 6 months to never

Isn't it possible some of them are thinking the same in reverse, avoiding contact with you because you haven't contacted them in 9 months? Friendships often come out of being stuck together in some way, either work or school or sport or locality or social routine, and they can be hard to maintain when those things disintegrate. I know that I'm guilty of not working hard enough to maintain some relationships in the last year, and I want to do better.

[eproxus]

Depends. Sometimes you realize that you’ve always been the one initializing the interactions and when you stop nothing happens anymore. That might be a sign it’s a lopsided relationship.

[asiachick]

Or it's just one of you is "an organizer" and the other isn't.

In my own friendships, in my current setup, I rarely the one who initiates. That was different decades ago but it's how it is at the moment.

My friends do all the inviting and I just show up (show up online this last year).

Further, some people just act as the magnet everyone follows. No idea why but they are. So for example another group, out of ~12 people it's only 1 or 2 of them that organizes most meetups. Same with another group.

To me this is a skill thing. Some people are skilled at cooking, some people are skilled at programming, some people are skilled at reaching out to others.

[globular-toast]

Some people, like me, never initiate interactions with anyone unless they have to. This isn't because I don't value their friendship. It's because of the high mental load and the many other things that take priority when allocating that capacity. For me, the choice to contact someone is not competing with no-ops like watching TV etc, it's competing with work like keeping my finances in order, fixing stuff in the house and long-term planning. To be friends with me you have to be OK with that. But if you expect me to "pay my way" by initiating things myself, or if you're also like me, then we'll probably never be friends. That's fine, though. We can't be friends with everyone.

[billytetrud]

I gotta say, that's a selfish mentality, and you're definitely losing out on good friends because you've decided your work comes first. Realize that everyone else has their own work and their own problems they need to spend mental energy on, just like you. What kind of friend are you that is ok with putting that mental burden on someone else but aren't willing to reciprocate? You'll eventually lose those friends and will regret it later in life.

[derrida]

It is also possible the other party is just down... I can think of 3 or 4 people I feel closest to in the world but I haven't replied to an SMS message from a couple months ago