| Listening requires allowing your conversation partner to fill the silence with their thoughts rather than filling it with yours. So at the risk of pointing out the obvious, to improve your listening skill try talking less. In the middle of a technical explanation, sometimes people will pause and say something like "Is this making sense so far?" The question makes it fairly clear that the explanation isn't finished and that they have more to say. The same pause to confirm that the other person is engaged and understands occurs in personal discussions, but it might not be marked with an explicit question. So by talking less, you allow the other person to finish what they're saying and drive the conversation where they want it to go. For example, consider the following variations of a hypothetical conversation - Version 1 >A: "My coworker keeps interrupting me to ask questions that could easily be answered by reading the documentation. They've literally been messaging me at least once an hour." >B: "Wow, that sounds so annoying!" >A: "Yeah, it is. This morning I finally couldn't take it anymore and muted DMs from them so I could get some work done in peace. It was such a nice change." Version 2 >A: "My coworker keeps interrupting me to ask questions that could easily be answered by reading the documentation. They've literally been messaging me at least once an hour." >A's mom: "It's great that they trust you as a reliable source of information. I hope your boss recognizes what an asset you are!" >A: "Uh... yeah, thanks mom. Anyway, how's your vegetable garden coming along?" Version 3 >A: "My coworker keeps interrupting me to ask questions that could easily be answered by reading the documentation. They've literally been messaging me at least once an hour." >C: "Wow, that sounds so annoying! Have you talked to them about how disruptive it is? If that doesn't work, you should talk to your boss. You don't want to be blamed if their interruptions end up delaying your work." >A: "Fortunately it hasn't been that bad. I don't want to turn it into a bigger issue than it actually is by going to my boss about it." Really the story that A wanted to tell was about muting the DMs, the initial pause just served to make sure it was the right audience to tell the story to (and that the audience was listening and not distracted by something else). In version 1, B conveyed that they understood and so A was able to finish telling the story. Version 2 demonstrates why A is pausing - A's mom wasn't the right audience, so better to just change the subject. In version 3, after A pauses C fills the silence with their own thoughts about the situation, which takes the conversation in a different direction than A had intended. C meant well, but if they had instead created silence (by not continuing to talk) after expressing understanding, they could have listened to A fill that silence with the story that A had hoped to tell. |