[plutonorm]

You are conflating social skills stress tolerance and self mastery. The idea that you can think your way out of something that is a basic property of your nervous system is very insulting. What is happening here is that you are unable to step outside of yourself and to understand what it might be like to have a different kind of personality. What that tells me is that you are not emotionally intelligent. Someone with high social skills has an ability to step outside of themselves and appreciate the world from another's shoes that you seem not to possess. So the statement that I am in some way socially inept because I have a more perceptive but less stress tolerant nervous system, honestly falls a little flat. You might even say that being attuned to detail can make you better attuned to social detail.

I spent, what, 35 years. Maybe. Working on myself because I bought into the line that you can change your personality, that if you are not living up to what the status quo expects of you, then you need to work on yourself. And then I had kids. And I saw that they could not change. That their nature was not some malleable thing that listens to the whims of what the world expects from them. There are parts that can and do change, but the bedrock properties do not change, they are who and what they are and that is good.

You cannot step outside of yourself and admit that others may live in a different reality that finds things you find easy, difficult. And finds things you find difficult, easy. There are high stress tolerance people and they are great and good and useful. And you have low stress tolerance people and they are great and good and useful. But they are not the same, they have different abilities and to try to deny that is wrong headed.