[shakna]

> This is not the Australia I inhabit, and working with many foreign born individuals, along with different genders has proven to me that this strategy only perpetuates power imbalances among men.

Well, whilst I clearly disagree with you, I am utterly confused by what the hell this has to do with gender.

If there's any inequality in the behaviour, my female managers may have been among the rougher ones over the years... But I don't think I've seen a difference between any of the guys and gals. Quiet ones, or loud ones, I think most people I've worked with have been willing to say, "That sounds like a stupid idea. Why don't we do it this way instead?"

There has always been a divorce between the work, and the person.

[phist_mcgee]

This is anecdotal. There is so much evidence out there around toxic workplace cultures that are dominated by unsympathetic individuals. This is overwhelmingly the domain of men, and particularly white men. You cannot choose to ignore this just because you think others are like you, and can "handle it". Things like pay, promotions, harassment, and having your voice heard and much more are affected by these biases and cultures in workplaces. Please do not cite an anecdote that claims that your bias does not exist. I am bringing up gender and ethnicity because you have reduced so many people in this country to a person who thinks and speaks like you. This is not how the world works, and being cognizant that something that is just "straight talking" to you, can come across as dominating by someone else.

And I refute the idea that there is a divorce between the person and work. If that was the case, why do so many people suffer stress, anxiety and depression over their work place culture. Does workplace toxicity not occur to you? There is no divorce while people are marginalised, across all spectrums and walks of life.

[shakna]

I'm not denying that problems with equality exist, at all. I've also made several notes about adjusting your behaviour to match the people you're working with. People are still people.

Workplace toxicity definitely can exist. I'm hardly a stranger to that. I don't see a cultural misunderstanding as toxic behaviour. A cultural clash is a problem, in that it create a communication barrier.

For example, one is currently between you and I, as you seem to be thinking that roughness is allowed irregardless of how people respond to it by your use of the phrase "handle it". If you're impacting someone, then there's a problem. By the same token, there's also a problem if you can't point out when crap is crap. In either case, people don't exist in a vacuum and should be expected to adapt to each other.

It appears that in your mind, that honesty without ritual is somehow a reflection of ongoing discrimination, specifically wider discrimination. Whilst you view it as a abusive, there's no way forward, for either of us.

If I accurately point out that every part of code presented in a review was done the wrong way, and what to do to fix it, it will come across as a personal attack, no matter how kind I try and be. I have to compromise and accept some level of terribleness. I can't even say that they've had a bad day and need to try again. (I have been known to send people home, especially during the death march, without impact to pay or bonuses, because they're burned out and aren't helping the team).

Whereas on the other hand I am accepting of someone tearing down my work, the most junior member of the team I'm working with should, with some encouragement, be able to hold me accountable to my own work. They can point out if I'm heading down the wrong path. We can have active conversations about the tradeoffs that the team are making. Nobody on the team should feel they can't disagree with the team lead. Sometimes that can mean the entire team agrees that something is crap, but we have to do it anyway, but more often it means that we can catch problems early.

It is my experience that being able to point out problems, without ceremony, is more likely to lead to equality, than discrimination. I've acknowledged it is not yours. If you want to have a conversation about actual discrimination - that's another story altogether. I'm more than happy to discuss my own struggles such as my sexuality having been raised at board meetings, or the multiple times I've encouraged those I've worked with to take my employer to court because of the way they're being treated. There are toxic parts of culture in Australia. The fact we can't address something as simple as the pay gap is nothing short of horrifying.

I just don't see how a lack of ritualised and exhausting conversation is in fact discrimination. You don't have to live with false manners to be able to speak with the people around you on equal terms. But, again, people don't exist purely as a concept. You adapt to the people you speak to. If you were to check over my few comments to you, you'll find that the patterns have changed. I have tried to adapt how I am speaking to help you understand my perspective, as I hope you would do for me.

The day the team can't call me a moron, is the day I've failed them.