[kepler1]

You're really swinging to the opposite end of credibility, bending over backwards to put on blinders and assert that gayness has absolutely no relation to some effeminate qualities. It goes against people's own ability to observe facts and undermines your position. Maybe it's not true for every gay male, but it is certainly an observable phenomenon.

[tomc1985]

Curious as to whether we'd see a lot of effeminate straight men if social norms permitted it. My guess is yes

[irrational]

Definitely. I'm straight and I love watching Jane Austen, Anne of Green Gables, Musicals, Hallmark, Downton Abbey, Romcom, etc. movies with my wife. But I'd never let any of my male friends know.

[KozmoNau7]

Why wouldn't you let them know?

One would think that standing by your choices and not trying to hide then away, would be the assertive and self-confident approach. If your friends are really so fickle as to think less of you based on the TV shows you watch and the love you show for your wife, are they really worth keeping around?

[csin]

Friends don't exactly grow on trees.

My best friend died in his 20's. So, I have a cynical view on friendship.

It's very time intensive to find new friends and filter out the one's that don't make the cut. Not to mention the awkwardness that comes with breaking up with the one's that don't make the cut.

[KozmoNau7]

I know the struggle, I've completely abandoned three separate circles of friends due to moving cross-country and interpersonal drama, over a period of 10 years.

Building up a new circle of friends where I live now took some time, and was initially kicked off by reconnecting with a childhood friend. A huge positive is that we're all mid-30s to mid-40s and more mature, less concerned about outward appearances, so it feels more real and down to earth.

Just being able to be yourself in the company of others is refreshing, because you can relax and lower your guard.

Round of beers, one friend asks for a diet soda? Sure thing. Heck, I have a standing agreement with another friend that I'll bring him a soda even if he asked for a beer and I think he's had one or two too many, because he knows he has a tendency to drink a bit too much. He'll grumble about it, but because we've talked it through, he knows I'm looking out for him.

My best friend is a huge metalhead, but also loves sugary J-pop with a burning passion. And nobody thinks less of him for it. We don't believe in guilty pleasures, you like what you like.

Honestly, and I know this doesn't apply to everyone, I would rather have no friends at all if I couldn't be 100% myself around my friends :-)

[circlefavshape]

/me blinks

Liking Jane Austen is effeminate?

[irrational]

Go up to a group of supposedly all straight men and ask who is interested in watching the BBC production of Pride and Prejudice (ideally they will ask “which one?” and you can respond “the one with Colin Firth”). Then do the same thing with a group of women. Maybe you live somewhere unusual, but in my experience you will have no takers from the men but many takers from the women.

[circlefavshape]

In my understanding "effeminate" means one's physical mannerisms, not one's taste

[the_af]

While on the subject, is liking Downton Abbey or Anne of Green Gables effeminate? That's news to me. Huge fan of "Anne with an E" here -- still can't get over the fact they canceled it.

[MaximumYComb]

I'm really masculine. I'm tall, reasonably heavily muscled, assertive, hyper competitive, dominant, etc. I've still had some friends tell me that they wouldn't have been surprised if I was gay/bi. The only explanation I have is that they struggle to understand my refusal to conform to norms and I'm interpreted as "different".

[valarauko]

> I'm really masculine. I'm tall, reasonably heavily muscled, assertive, hyper competitive, dominant, etc.

Yup, sounds like a Grindr bio all right.