I can buy mining equipment or stay at an hourly love hotel located in the red light district in my city according to the map. I guess some of my needs could be met.
Not bad. I have a dentist one town over, and "Bitcoin Fabio" who has spammed the map in every major city nearby and buys and sells Bitcoin, and seems very trustworthy, because he says it is "100% safe !"
I think I prefer your options...