I can't tell you how helpful your comment was for me. I believe I have ruined every relationship I've ever been in for acting the way you describe your husband does.
I had a mother that would always focus on shortcomings in any given situation (i.e learning to read/ ski/ cook), and, as a result, I've developed an internal voice that is obsessively focused on what I've done wrong (I don't ignore the good, but I simply note it quickly and move on to the shortcomings). I've found that I respond better to this criticism, and it is imperative to my "learning flow". Just the same, when dealing with people I care deeply about I operate in the exact same fashion.
It helps to be reminded of the fact that it is not helpful, and even hurtful, to treat others this way, but it is difficult for me to switch between various methods of assessing a situation/ event.
Yeah, what works for one doesn't work for another. I hate people dwelling on my mistakes. It is not like I can't see those, and need to be told every time I make one. I would want my partner to believe that I am as aware and I am working towards being better. Nobody wants to remain clumsy!
As someone with the same reactions, i think I can safely assume he can't help it any more than you can. Sometimes it helps to think that these small annoyances don't matter in the long run, but I get annoyed at the thoughtlessness rather than the actual results...
I had a mother that would always focus on shortcomings in any given situation (i.e learning to read/ ski/ cook), and, as a result, I've developed an internal voice that is obsessively focused on what I've done wrong (I don't ignore the good, but I simply note it quickly and move on to the shortcomings). I've found that I respond better to this criticism, and it is imperative to my "learning flow". Just the same, when dealing with people I care deeply about I operate in the exact same fashion.
It helps to be reminded of the fact that it is not helpful, and even hurtful, to treat others this way, but it is difficult for me to switch between various methods of assessing a situation/ event.