[howlgarnish]

> people here wouldn't even look at you straight

Quite the opposite! Random strangers will stare, and friends and colleagues will make blunt comments in a way that would send them straight to HR in the US: you'll be told to your face you're fat, asked how much you weigh, get poked in the belly, asked if you've tried sumo wrestling, etc.

A random デブちゃん's experience: https://www.tofugu.com/japan/fat-in-japan/

[reedf1]

I've had a real example of this! I've never even been overweight but a Japanese friend, who was an exchange student, would poke me in the stomach and if there was the slightest pudge he would yell "Hamburger!"

[woutr_be]

I’ve had those experiences in China, my friends would often comment on my weight. They never meant it in a offensive way, but it’s still hurtful.

[darkerside]

It does seem like it's offensive in america to mention overweightedness at all, which seems like it enables overweight people to ignore it. Seems unhealthy as well, both physically and mentally.

[Blikkentrekker]

I once incurred the wrath of many on a forum for simply saying that my best friend is quite fat.

100% of the those that were angry were from the U.S.A. and this was pointed out in the discussion by others that didn't seem to see the problem with stating such a simple thing about my best friend and most of those that were angry relented after chalking it up to a cultural difference.

But apparently it is deeply sensitive in the U.S.A. to remark upon a man's weight being too much.

The last time it happened to me was someone's remarking that I was putting on some weight, and I agreed, so I switched to a diet with more fibres and in mere weeks it was fixed. — it seems quite constructive to me.

[graeme]

Yeah I lived in cuba for a work project. I travelled to another city for a month, and when I came back the head of my host family said “you’ve gained weight”. Was probably five pounds or so.

Was motivational to stop that weight gain in its tracks! At that level pretty simple diet changes will turn it around.

[amanaplanacanal]

In American culture being fat is seen as a moral failing. Calling people out who already know they are overweight is offensive. You aren’t telling them something they don’t know. Likely they have already tried to lose weight and failed.

[darkerside]

What's wrong with calling people out for a moral failing? It's more polite to ignore and pretend it hasn't happened, but it's a bit insane too, isn't it?

[swebs]

Well did it work?

[woutr_be]

It did actually.

[sneak]

Empathy isn't a cultural thing, it's a human thing.

If people are doing things that are hurtful and they don't care to notice, they aren't your friends, they're just people you know.

[woutr_be]

I beg to differ. What is considered as normal in some cultures, can be considered offensive in other cultures. It's not because those people lack empathy.

[sneak]

What matters is who is doing the considering. Each friendship between people is its own "culture" in that sense; I don't generally do things that my friend would consider offensive, if they are actually my friend.

It's nothing to do with the wider culture or ethnic environment, or what third parties may or may not be offended by: I don't do things that I know would hurt my friends.

[woutr_be]

We could go into a whole debate about this. From my perspective, I don't think they're wrong, at the end of the day, I'm a foreigner in their country, and it's up to me to adjust my mindset. I don't think it's up to them to change their behavior because I find something offensive, that to them is not considered offensive.

[nradov]

You're describing a very superficial form of friendship. A true friend holds you accountable and tells you what you need to hear, even when it offends you.

[yowlingcat]

> I don't generally do things that my friend would consider offensive, if they are actually my friend.

> I don't do things that I know would hurt my friends.

These two statements seem like they could be in conflict with each other. Suppose your friend has a methamphetamine addiction, but they consider it offensive for you to bring it up. Do you not bring it up ever because it's offensive to them?

[sneak]

No, of course not. Inaction/silence doesn't harm someone.

Furthermore, what someone who isn't me puts in their own body is none of my business.

[wjnc]

An interesting thing I experience in making friends later in life is mapping expectations about 'what friends do' (I guess I pester and expect to be pestered about a lot of personal things, the closer the friendship the more personal the teasing should be) to expectation 'new' friends have about the relationship.

[IndySun]

I thought about your human empathy v culture remark. It is true, empathy is a human trait, however, each culture and society have unique mores of their own. These idiosyncrasies will miss, or emphasize, various aspects of personality en masse, to some extent; evidently, there are different cultures. So maybe in this case, those belly pokers have been indoctrinated to be less empathetic towards what they see as overweight.

[yowlingcat]

Even so, that's contextual. What may be thought of as hurtful in one culture could be considered merely honest in another. Ignoring the things could get lost in cultural translation is an unfortunate way to miss the forest for the trees.