[robflynn]

I certainly don't have any put away for a rainy day. After a bit of time being jobless, I finally found some underpaying work to get back on my feet. Coupled with various bills and medical bills, etc., I'm sitting at a paycheck to paycheck point. I get paid again tomorrow and I have $5.00 in the bank. It's quite depressing. Couple that with my girlfriend also losing her job and we tore through any savings pretty quickly.

I have a side project going that I'd love to launch in the next month or so, but I'm also polishing up the resume to begin sending out June 1.

Time for me to start pulling myself out of this rut now that I've got things in my life stabilized again.

I actually feel a little embarrassed posting this here, but what the hell. This will act as motivation for me. I seem to have forgotten along the way that I'm a good developer and worth more than the small salary I have right now. (I took on some consulting work that sort of turned full time. The salary was not/is not great but I kind of ended up 'trapped' there. Stockholm syndrome for the employed?)

[sunchild]

Don't be embarrassed. Many "rich" people have similar problems. It's just that, in their case, the cash flow figures are larger by orders of magnitude.

Desperation can be a tremendous motivator, and a great way to set priorities. Think of yourself as a newly-arrived immigrant. Now make your way in your new world.

Whatever you do, don't let depression set in. Depression = failure. Even if you struggle to pay the bills for the rest of your life, if you stay positive, you'll keep the people you love in your life.

It might help to imagine yourself getting that big break, and making enough money to never worry about money again. If that happens, how will you remember the tough times? Will you be proud of yourself, or ashamed? Will you regret that you treated others (and yourself) poorly? The history of the world is chock-full of successful people who were haunted by their past.

I'm on a roll here, so let me finish with this existential note: life is a bloody, sweaty mess, and there is no natural justice. From the day you're born to the day you die, you're flailing about on a tightrope over infinite emptiness. There's plenty to fear, and the easiest thing in the world is to fall.

But don't you really want to be the guy dancing on that tightrope and laughing at the void?

[pyre]

  > Depression = failure

Just to clarify, depression (mostly) leads to failure. Depression doesn't define you as a failure.

[robflynn]

Correct. I got what he was saying but I can see how it could be read another way.

Depression did set in for a while, which is why I allowed myself to get stuck with the unsatisfying job. "Work is work, right?"

I've since kicked the depression from everything that happened in those few years and am feeling great. I can finally see where I need to be and the path to get there... so that feels good. :)

[sunchild]

Hmm. Not interested in getting into a debate about whether depression is an illness or whatever, so I'll just say "OK".

[nopassrecover]

I think depression, as distinct from unhappiness, is something you dismiss as unhappiness (i.e. circumstance driven) until you experience it and realise it is an illness.

The clearest example I can imagine is, take someone who is down on their luck, unemployed, in debt, medical problems etc. and fly them to the best doctors in the world, then give them a great new job with a million dollar signing bonus - I think they'll typically be pretty happy. Do this to a depressed person and they'll probably try and kill themselves because they consider themselves unworthy.

[allwein]

The greatest thing my Grandma ever taught me was that it's okay to be sad when bad things happen. It used to be that I'd get sad for some reason, then I'd feel bad for feeling sad, and this would just set up a tight vicious cycle until I literally became depressed. Once I gave myself permission to feel sad and not feel bad about it, I was able to stop that from happening in the future.

[sunchild]

Seems to be akin to religious debates. The brain (and more importantly, the mind) is one of those areas where modern science has too little traction to speak in absolutes.

Anecdotally, I had a breakthrough with mood control when I eradicated "jumping to conclusions" from my idle thought patterns. That made a HUGE difference in my outlook on life.

[getsat]

> I'm also polishing up the resume to begin sending out June 1.

Why are you reading HN instead of doing this? Close your browser, finish your resume, and apply for ten jobs online before you go to bed tonight. Apply for ten more tomorrow. Repeat until you're employed.

Good things come to those who hustle.

[hugh3]

I gotta agree with this. There's no darn way that "polishing up" your resume can possibly take a full week. That sounds way too much like procrastinating.

[robflynn]

Alright, alright, I'll make time for it tonight.

[thomasgerbe]

I can understand why you'd feel embarrassed, but as long as you collect yourself from your rut and keep pushing with what motivates you, you can point back to this point where you turned things around.