[benrbray]

(IANAP -- this is not parenting advice ;) I speak mostly as a newly-minted adult who still remembers what it was like to be a child, when my world was small, so small decisions felt very important, especially when they were made without my input)

Children are people too, just with less experience. Your goal really isn't just "ban TikTok", it's "raise my children to develop healthy habits on their own and to recognize when they are being manipulated."

So, even if you ultimately decide to enforce parental controls, I hope you will bring your children into the decision-making process. Have an honest dialogue with your children about your concerns, and develop a space where they are free to share their own thoughts and feelings without fear of judgement. It's important that your mind is not already made up before you sit down at the table, as they'll sense it immediately. Repeat this often, and make it easy for anyone (yourself included) to express that their perspective has changed. Set a good example (by e.g. not using social media yourself) and apologize when you are wrong, so that your children learn that it's safe to do the same.

Encourage them to pursue healthier alternatives. Allow them to experiment and learn from their mistakes.

[refurb]

Upvoted for solid parenting advice.

I pretty quickly realized that kids, even little ones, like 3 years old are far smarter than you think. They are basically little humans without much experience and that means not great judgement.

So as a parent it’s important to make sure they are exposed to things they understand and can process. Things that are age appropriate. If something isn’t appropriate, well, you try and explain why (as best as they can understand).

[retSava]

Thanks for your comment, I really pointing out "learn why".

I try to explain to my 7-yo the _reason why_ for many things, whenever I can. Key is to not push it when she loses interest. If it's important, just end up talking about it again at a later datetime. There's only so much input a child (or adult) can accept before the buffer is full and needs to be mapped. It takes time to put into context.

Also accept that some things can't really be explained by everyone. A guy on YT with a channel on self defense said, "if you are not a violent person, you'll never understand violence", and I think it has some bearing. Sure, I can certainly understand that, in the case of X, he was beaten as a child and therefore may see violence as a way to handle his feelings, but that doesn't explain "why did X beat up Y unprovoked last Wednesday". There's rarely a single causality that explains things like that.

And, ads, yt-videos, social media, most often are manipulative. Eg the "youtube-face", excessive reaction-videos, etc. (no, she has no access to social media).

[milansm]

Exactly this! I was hoping to get more suggestions along these lines. Because the first thing I thought was that if I hard-ban something they'll just learn how to do it without me knowing, especially if it is something their peers are doing.

So, we need to "gracefully" ban this; that is, if it needs banning at all.

The alternative is to embrace it and show how to use it properly.

And then, there's this addictive nature to it - the app is designed and tuned to provide dopamine hits; how to fight that?

[benrbray]

> Because the first thing I thought was that if I hard-ban something they'll just learn how to do it without me knowing, especially if it is something their peers are doing.

Yeah, exactly! Growing up in this age, it's impossible to avoid online interactions of some kind. So, it's better if children learn how to use technology / media / internet responsibly in a controlled environment. You're like the guard rails in a bowling alley :)

One approach might be to let them use TikTok or whatever app is popular, and just try to get them to learn to self-identify 1) how long they spend on the app, 2) how using the app made them feel, and 3) whether or not time on the app took time away from something else they might enjoy. Help them learn identify the positive aspects and the negative aspects of the platform, and only consider a full ban if you start seeing extremely problematic patterns.

If you have any personal self-improvement goals, it might also mean a lot to your kids if you make a habit of sharing your progress with them (in a way they can understand at their age).

Good luck :)