No, Bitcoin provides no value because it's bad at everything it tries to be. It's a bad store of value (-86% swings 3x in the last few years), it's a bad currency (7tx/sec) and it's bad for the environment (as much power consumption as Chile).
The internet provides utility. Bitcoin provides speculation and crime.
"Magic beans" is something you can say about majority of payment tokens humanity has been using. However, once enough people agree they are good for exchange they become good for exchange.
A bitcoin address gives you a unique global address decentralizated that funds can be sent to. There is utility to that function.
Using your description the internet is a magic place faeries built that provides no usefulness because it's virtual.